The Spirit of Giving

The holiday time is a wonderful time to help children develop the spirit of giving. Instead of giving out all of your gifts at once, try giving a gift to one person each week for six weeks, so that each time is a significant experience. Giving away things that you and the children have made together, or choosing things that you already own to give away makes the experience feel much more meaningful. Here is an example of what you might do:

WEEK 1: Gift your neighbors. Bake banana bread (or whatever you love to bake), put a ribbon around it, and take it over to your neighbors. Even if you don't know your neighbors very well, they will probably appreciate a gift in the holiday spirit, and it may open doors to getting to know them! Make a card with your child: he can color it, and you write a message that the two of you come up with together. When you and your child notice their lights on, go over and give it to them together. Children love giving gifts, but they often get too shy with excitement to present them. Even children I've seen five days a week for two years sometimes have trouble presenting me with a gift. So be prepared to do the talking, but know that your child is participating through you.

WEEK 2: Gift your play-group teacher or favorite babysitter. Teachers get lots of gifts, so think carefully about what will be appreciated. I love baked gifts, but if your teacher is watching her waistline it may not be a good idea. One of the best gifts I've gotten from a family was a gift certificate to Whole Foods in a card that parent and child had made together. It seemed both thoughtful and practical.

WEEK 3: Gift children who won't get many gifts. Help your child choose some of his toys to give to children who won't get presents, and take them to a homeless shelter or an organization like Toys for Tots. This is actually a good thing to do once a month or every other month. The average American child gets about 70 new toys each year, but children who have fewer toys tend to be more creative and appreciate the ones they have, according to Pamela Paul, author of the book Parenting, Inc. Going through your toys regularly and giving away the ones that could be better used by another child can be a wonderful way to foster a spirit of giving in your children.

WEEK 4: Gift the grandparents. A lovely gift for grandparents is a photo of your child in a frame that you and your child decorate together. If you know your parents would hate a frame like that, then perhaps make special wrapping paper for it.

WEEK 5: Gift the elders. If you have elderly friends, make a special trip to visit them and give a gift. If you don't, consider going to a local nursing home. I suggest a small, homey assisted-living home so the setting isn't too overwhelming for your child. I used to take 3-4 children each week to visit the elders at Anam Chara, a waldorf-inspired assisted-living home that housed twelve elders. Both the children and the elders loved these visits.

WEEK 6: Gift dad. Dads love gifts that moms and kids make especially for him. If dad lives at home with you, you might take him somewhere special to present the gift: go to the ice-skating rink to present a pair of gloves, to the zoo to present a wooly hat. Make sure that he knows in advance that this is a special trip in his appreciation, and make him feel as special as possible. It's nice to get this sort of acknowledgment when it's least expected!

          And of course, don't forget to make Thank You cards with your child for each person from whom he receives a gift. Help him decorate them and have him dictate a thank-you message that you write down. These are often hilarious and are always appreciated. If you can, have him give the thank you cards personally, instead of putting them in the mail. Teach them to say “Thank you for your gift” when they hand it out. Practice on the way over, but if they get too shy to say it themselves, ask “Would you like me to say it for you this time?” When you say something for a child, they often feel like they're saying it themselves, so don't worry if they still ask you to say it for them the fourth or fifth time. They will say it for themselves soon enough.

Book Review: The Family Virtues Guide

Several years ago I was at a conference on early childhood. Between workshops, I was eating lunch with a friend and talking about the workshops we had attended. She had a son who was six years old, very intelligent, very intense, somewhat overwhelming. Interested in everything, he always wanted to be the center of attention, and often dominated conversations. She said, “My workshop leader said something really interesting. She works with a group call The Virtues Project, and she said that it sounds like my son has an excess of enthusiasm, which is a virtue. Instead of trying to dampen down his enthusiasm, I could work to strengthen other virtues that would balance him out. In this case, she suggested that I strengthen his sense of respectfulness.” Knowing her son as I did, I was absolutely astounded. Yes! That was exactly what was needed! What an incredible way of viewing the situation.

When I got home I had so much new information to assimilate that I never got around to looking up The Virtues Project. But that conversation stayed with me, and I often thought of it, especially when I was working with very intense children. Finally, I looked up The Virtues Project online, and ordered their book, The Family Virtues Guide: Simple Ways to Bring Out the Best in Our Children and Ourselves.

I was only moderately impressed with the book itself. It has great ideas but it seems poorly organized; it has so many sections and sub-sections within each chapter that it was sometimes hard for me to keep track of things, and I wished they gave more concrete examples. Also, it didn't address the issue of how to talk to children about virtues differently at different ages. The book goes through 52 virtues, with the idea that families might choose a virtue each week to work on and notice, then have a family meeting each week to talk about their experiences. This strategy seems much better for school-aged children, and is far too cerebral for kids under age 7, in my opinion.  However, it could still be useful for parents to pick one virtue to notice each week, without talking it out with the kids.  When we notice and appreciate virtues in our children or in others, it brings them out and enriches our lives.

All in all, there were more than enough take-away lessons that I felt the book was well worth reading. I love the idea of changing behaviors by calling up the virtue you see and then the virtue they would benefit from: patience, kindness, obedience, helpfulness. The book points out, “When a parent as educator puts a stop to negative behavior, he is being just as loving as when he applauds a child for effort.” (p.22-23).

I also got some food for thought from the book's examination of acknowledging children when you see them exhibiting virtues. First, they warn you to use 'moderation and wisdom' in dispensing praise: “Children are quite sensitive to the justice and honesty of your responses to them...Children themselves know when they have done well, when they truly merit recognition. That may be why some children get very upset in the face of undeserved or excessive praise. Undeserved praise is almost as troubling to their spirits as criticism.” (p.21).
Even more unexpected and --I thought-- insightful, they go on to say, “Please do not overdo the use of 'Thank you' such as 'Thank you for being peaceful.' The object is not to lessen the noise level for your comfort alone; it is for the child to learn the lesson of peacefulness. Overdoing thanks places you at the center of their conscience instead of the their conscience at the center of themselves.” (p.22).  I will certainly keep that in mind.

I feel like I already did my best to acknowledge and bring out virtues in the children I care for, but in a somewhat unconsious way.  This book is lovely because it gives us a framework to do it in.  Do visit their website, http://www.virtuesproject.com/index.php. If I see a workshop of theirs in my neighborhood, I will definitely sign up.

Warmly,
Faith

Arts & Crafts with Toddlers

This post is for you, Aralyn, and for anyone else who cares for groups of toddlers. Much of it can also be used by moms at home with their kids.

One thing I've noticed working in childcare is that parents love having craft projects that get sent home. I think that it gives them a way to visualize what their children were doing during the day, and it also can form a bridge between home and 'school.' So they have their value. However, arts & crafts projects can be a real challenge with toddlers, who have limited impulse control, limited ability to follow directions, and limited understanding of what you do or don't want on your chairs, floors and walls. Many projects end up with the teachers doing 90% of the work, and the children doing lots of waiting for the teacher's help.

What crafts can be done successfully with toddlers, and in such a way that both the children and caregivers really enjoy it?

1. Coloring is an easy craft to do. Make big coloring mats out of cotton-backed vinyl (available at most fabric stores) or even just taking a quarter-inch stack of single-page newspapers and putting a strong border of masking tape or duct tape around the edges. Use big, sturdy crayons (I like the Stockmar stick crayons best; you can find them at Three Sisters Toys ). I keep the crayons in a bowl and allow each child to pick two crayons to use. If they want to switch colors, they must put one of their crayons back in the bowl to pick another. When children are done coloring, they put both crayons back in the bowl, and put their picture in their cubby, and they are free to play.

2. Baking is a project that children of all ages love. We bake all the time at Rainbow Bridge, but we usually eat what we bake. One day I realized it could be turned into a craft project by having each child form his dough into a shape, and decorate it with raisins. I remembered which was whose, and we sent them home at the end of the day. The kids were excited to show their parents, and parents were pleased to receive them. The trick to baking successfully with toddlers is to be very organized. Assemble all of the ingredients you'll need before you start. The initial mixing parts are all about waiting and turn-taking, so I always go around the table in a circle so the children know when their turn will come. Let each child hold the measuring cup and pour in one ingredient. When you're done, each child can take a turn mixing. Sing a short song (I use All Around the Mulberry Bush), and when the song is over, the child passes the bowl and spoon to the child next to her. After the dough has risen comes the fun part, kneading. Everyone can knead at the same time, and I knead too. You have to make your own rules about whether they are allowed to take nibbles or not, and how many. After the kneading is done, bring out the raisins to decorate, and put them on a cookie sheet. These projects bake quickly, usually 15 minutes or so.

3. Watercolor painting can be done with toddlers, but it's very difficult if you're on your own with six kids, as it needs constant supervision. If you want to do this, invite a parent volunteer to come in and help.

4. Seasonal Crafts: There are always crafts to do with the seasons.

1. For fall, put leaves under paper and color over top with block crayons or the side of a stick crayon. You can also iron leaves between sheets of wax paper (a challenge if you're by yourself with the kids), and decorate the edges with paintings or colored paper. Make apple crisp, or pumpkin pie from a pumpkin, and save pieces for each parent. You can also make apple-gnomes, putting a little felt hat onto an apple and carving eyes and a mouth. As it dries out and withers, the gnome's face gets more and more wrinkled and cool looking.  Here's an example: http://www.appledolls.org/page2.html

2. For Winter, have kids color with blue and purple, then cut the drawing into a snowflake for the child to take home. Make pomander oranges to send home. This is a one-on-one project to do with each child: attach a ribbon to the orange (you can use pins to make it stay), and then you poke a hole in the orange with a toothpick or a darning needle, and the child puts a clove into the hole. You don't have to cover the whole orange, you can make designs with the cloves: http://www.aromatherapy-at-home.com/. Also, making snowmen with the children and dressing them in scarves and hats, with gloves on the ends of their stick arms, is fun. Parents can't take it home, but it can be showed off and parents can imagine their child making it.

3. For Spring, of course plant things! Plant crocus and hyacinth bulbs in pots and grow them indoors. I've done very successful Mother's Day gifts where the children decorated small pots, and we planted marigolds in them together. Both the decorating and the planting were done outside. We also make an Easter Egg tree with blown eggs: take a branch from a flowering tree and put it in a vase weighted down with pebbles (the kids can help with the pebbles).  Depending on what climate you live in, it can be great to start with a bare branch, then watch the leaves come out, then the flowers. One by one, you can blow eggs and decorate them with the kids, either with paint and a paint-brush, or with scraps of different colored tissue paper. Just dab a drop of water onto the egg, and a child can put a scrap piece of tissue paper onto the water. Put 3-4 layers of tissue paper over the whole egg. We hang each egg on the 'tree,' then the day before spring break each child got to take one home.  Also, growing wheat grass is easy and fun.  Get baskets from a thrift store, line them with plastic (sturdy plastic wrap, or those plastic holders you put under flower pots), and put your wheat grass inside.  You can use dirt or just the wheat berries by themselves; soak them overnight and don't let them dry out.  Each child can take a basket home before Spring Break.

4. For Summer, wet felting can be a very fun outdoor activity: http://www.ourbigearth.com/. We made balls and then attached 'comet-tails' of ribbons to them, and called them meteor balls (in Colorado August sees many meteor showers). We didn't send them home as craft projects, but you certainly could.

Hope that gets your creative juices flowing! The first key to doing crafts with toddlers (especially if you're alone), is to think the process through and do as much work up-front as you can, gathering all of the materials you'll need, etc. The second key is, just do one step at a time, and keep it containable. By this I mean that you may be called away from the project at any moment if a child across the room is having problems, so you need to be able to pick things up and put them on the counter if it's something kids can't touch without supervision. And third, don't rush, just relax and have fun. After all, if nobody's enjoying it, what's the point?

Warmly,
Faith