Dear Faith,
I would love your thoughts in shyness in my almost two year old. I've noticed in recent months that if someone she doesn't know talks to her or wants to engage with her (question, etc) she becomes very withdrawn. I have had several experiences recently when she enters an unfamiliar space with people around that she will burst into strong tears for several minutes and buries her head in my chest, begging to go. This leads them to declare her shy, or even, wow, she's extremely shy! I have read that it's much better to avoid labeling her this way, as it may contribute to a feeling of defectiveness. My husband and I don't call her shy for this reason but invariably others will.
In known situations, she is exceedingly secure and spirited. I'm with her full time but she often plays with other kids and we attend music classes, etc, and those interactions are positive since they are familiar.
I know we each have our own temperament; I simply want to support her the best I can in these situations and in her social development. I would also love to hear your advice on how best to respond when others declare her shyness.
Many thanks!
Dear Mama,
It's extremely common for children at this age to go through a "very shy" phase around strangers. I think that as infants, many children feel like they are part of their mother's being, and as long as they're in her energy field, they feel fine no matter where they are. But this stage, approaching two, is the very beginning of your child realizing that she is her own, separate person. At the beginning, this can be quite a scary realization! So many strangers! So many people who are not you! Often between 19-22 months, children will get very clingy, suddenly have separation anxiety, and/or be scared of strangers. This is totally normal and doesn't mean that they are "shy;" it's a spiritual awakening. Then, sometime between two and two-and-a-half, your child will start to realize the power of being separate and of having her own opinion, and that's when the "No's" start to come in force.
Mostly, I'd suggest limiting your child's exposure to strangers as much as is practical during this fragile time, all the while knowing that this too shall pass. When you are out and about, or friends come over to visit, if other adults remark how shy she is, just say in a light voice, "Oh, she's just getting used to meeting new people again." If adults are trying to interact with her and she's not going for it, you can ask her if she'd like you to speak for her this time. Usually kids are quite happy to have their loving adult answer for them; you are the shield between her and the big, wide world.
Warmly,
Miss Faith
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Showing posts with label child development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child development. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, August 21, 2010
LifeWays Principles for Caring for Young Children
My early-childhood program in Boulder, Colorado, is based on the LifeWays philosophy. More can be found about LifeWays on the website http://www.lifewaysnorthamerica.org/ Here are the ten principles that guide our practice:
LIFEWAYS PRINCIPLES FOR CARING for YOUNG CHILDREN AT HOME AND IN CHILDCARE
1. Young children thrive in the presence of parents and other devoted caregivers who enjoy life and caring for children. They learn primarily through imitation/empathy and, therefore, need to be cared for by people with integrity and warmth who are worthy of being imitated. This is the foundation for learning and healthy development.
2. Having consistent caregivers, especially from birth to three years old and, preferably, up to primary school age, is essential for establishing a sense of trust and well-being.
3. Children need relationship with people of all ages. Infants and toddlers thrive in family-style blended-age care, while older children see nurturing modeled by the adults and experience their own place in the continuum of growing up. Children of all ages can both give and receive special blessing when in the company of elders and youth who enjoy children.
4. Each person is uniquely valuable, gifted with purpose and worthy of respect throughout all phases of his or her life’s journey.
5. Human relationship and activity are the essential tools for teaching the young child all foundational skills for life. Infants and toddlers develop most healthily when allowed to have freedom of movement in a safe environment. For three- to six-year-olds, creative play, not technology or early academics, forms the best foundation for school work and for life-long learning.
6. In infancy and early childhood, daily life experience is the “curriculum.” The child’s relationships to the caregivers and to the environment are the two most important aspects through which the child can experience healthy life rhythms/routines. These include the “nurturing arts” of rest and play, regular meal times, exploring nature, practical/domestic activities, social creativity, music and simple artistic activities.
7. Young children thrive in a home or home-like environment that offers beauty, comfort and security, and connection to the living world of nature. Healthy sense development is fostered when most of their clothing and playthings are of non-synthetic materials and their toys allow for open-ended, imaginative play.
8. Childhood is a valid and authentic time unto itself and not just a preparation for schooling. Skipping or hurrying developmental phases can undermine a child’s healthy and balanced development.
9. Parents of young children need and deserve support in their path of parenting—from
professionals, family, and one another. They thrive in a setting where they are loved, respected and helped to feel love and understanding for their children.
10. Caregivers also have an intrinsic purpose and need to be recognized and appropriately compensated for the value of their work. They need an environment where they can create an atmosphere of “home,” build true relationship to the children, and feel autonomous and appreciated.
LIFEWAYS PRINCIPLES FOR CARING for YOUNG CHILDREN AT HOME AND IN CHILDCARE
1. Young children thrive in the presence of parents and other devoted caregivers who enjoy life and caring for children. They learn primarily through imitation/empathy and, therefore, need to be cared for by people with integrity and warmth who are worthy of being imitated. This is the foundation for learning and healthy development.
2. Having consistent caregivers, especially from birth to three years old and, preferably, up to primary school age, is essential for establishing a sense of trust and well-being.
3. Children need relationship with people of all ages. Infants and toddlers thrive in family-style blended-age care, while older children see nurturing modeled by the adults and experience their own place in the continuum of growing up. Children of all ages can both give and receive special blessing when in the company of elders and youth who enjoy children.
4. Each person is uniquely valuable, gifted with purpose and worthy of respect throughout all phases of his or her life’s journey.
5. Human relationship and activity are the essential tools for teaching the young child all foundational skills for life. Infants and toddlers develop most healthily when allowed to have freedom of movement in a safe environment. For three- to six-year-olds, creative play, not technology or early academics, forms the best foundation for school work and for life-long learning.
6. In infancy and early childhood, daily life experience is the “curriculum.” The child’s relationships to the caregivers and to the environment are the two most important aspects through which the child can experience healthy life rhythms/routines. These include the “nurturing arts” of rest and play, regular meal times, exploring nature, practical/domestic activities, social creativity, music and simple artistic activities.
7. Young children thrive in a home or home-like environment that offers beauty, comfort and security, and connection to the living world of nature. Healthy sense development is fostered when most of their clothing and playthings are of non-synthetic materials and their toys allow for open-ended, imaginative play.
8. Childhood is a valid and authentic time unto itself and not just a preparation for schooling. Skipping or hurrying developmental phases can undermine a child’s healthy and balanced development.
9. Parents of young children need and deserve support in their path of parenting—from
professionals, family, and one another. They thrive in a setting where they are loved, respected and helped to feel love and understanding for their children.
10. Caregivers also have an intrinsic purpose and need to be recognized and appropriately compensated for the value of their work. They need an environment where they can create an atmosphere of “home,” build true relationship to the children, and feel autonomous and appreciated.
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