Imaginative Journeys for Mundane Tasks

Redbird tell each child to put
his cloth in the bowl

Dear Miss Faith, 
          I’ve never before had children that regularly made a fuss but at the moment I look after two brothers (just turned 3 and 4) that get upset about washing hands, having nappies (diapers) changed and having shoes put on. I always give them warning (ie. in a few minutes we can wash our hands so that we will be ready to prepare our snack) give them a choice of helping to do it themselves or I can do it and try to keep things positive and fun but quite often none of it works.  I hate having to force them to do things when they get upset but these are things that really need to be done so im not sure what else to do. If you can think of any ideas that might help us I would be grateful!
Thank you,  Karen

Hi Karen,

               If the children were smaller (say, between 1 and 3), I’d suggest doing less talking.  A child who refuses to put on his shoes when you tell him, is often fine if you simply take him by the hand and start putting on his shoes without talking about it.  Especially if you are talking about something else that’s interesting, instead.   However, your boys are older, and that probably won’t work with them.  So, there are a couple of things to do. 

One thing that can be very effective is using songs for transitions like washing hands, putting on shoes, etc.  A wonderful source for songs for these activities can be found in Mary Schunnemann’s songbook with CD, “This is the Way We Wash-A-Day” (look in the tab "Toy Stores and Song Books" above for how to get it).  But again, at three and four, these boys may be so entrenched in being against these activities that you may have to bring out the Big Guns!

The Big Guns in this case are what I’ll call Imaginative Journeys.  Three and four year olds are enthralled with imaginative stories of any kind, and these are extra fun because of the movement involved.  An Imaginative Journey is a story that you and the children act out together, that involve doing something (like washing hands or putting on shoes).  They take a lot more time than just doing the act quickly, but they’re well worth it: the children love them, and it is a sneaky way to increase competence in children who resist doing things for themselves.  Think of them as activities in their own right, like circle games.  Here are a couple examples, but you can also make up your own. 

Washing Hands After A Meal

Try washing hands at the table, using wet wash-cloths.   Start telling a story, using the cloths.  Here’s one that I use: 

Once upon a time, there was a little caterpillar.  (You wrap one hand up in the wash-cloth and start ‘crawling’ it around the table). 

This caterpillar was SOOO Hungry!  He was hungry for…Rice! (or whatever you had for lunch). 

He searched and he searched, until finally he found some! (find your other hand which is open palm-up on the table and ‘eat’ all of the rice on it, scrubbing it with the wash-cloth.) 

But he was still hungry.  ‘Maybe I’ll find some more up here,’ he said, and he crawled higher and higher (crawl up your arm) until he came to the top. 

‘There’s lots of rice here!’ he said, and he ate, and he ate and he ate (wash your whole face with the wash-cloth while you say it) until he was SOOO Full, and SOOO Sleepy. 

He wrapped himself up in a cocoon blanket, and he found a Branch (put your arm out horizontally) where he hung himself, and he fell fast asleep. (hang your caterpillar arm over your branch arm.) 

He slept for days and days, until one day he felt the warm sun on his back, and he wiggled and wiggled out of his cocoon, and down it fell. (put the washcloth on the table, then bring your hands up so your fists are together.) 

But he discovered that he was no longer a caterpillar; he had become a beautiful butterfly! (link your thumbs and let your fingers flutter as your butterfly flies around. The end.  Or sing a little butterfly song.)

If you are washing hands before a meal, it might be something much faster, maybe even just a song with movements to scrub each hand.  At Rainbow Bridge we wash hands before the meal with a pitcher and wash-basin at the table.  We sing a song while we do it, and wash each child's hands in turn around the table.  the children who are competent scrub their hands with soap and dry their hands on a towel; those who don't, we do it for them.  There's no discussion about it because we're singing, and each child's turn seems quite inevitable.

Putting On Shoes

Again, think about how you can make this into an imaginative journey.  The following story I just made up, thinking about what I would do in your situation.  The story you make up doesn’t have to be as long or as involved as this one, but it should be interesting enough that everyone wants to take part.  You can do the same story every day for at least a month, or significantly longer if you don’t get totally sick of it.  Here goes:  Put all of the children’s hats down in a row, about 2 feet apart, with the child’s shoes in front of it, then announce, “Today, we will do something special.  Each child may go and sit down where his hat is!”  While they’re finding their hats and sitting down, sing “Find your hat! Then sit down!  Find your hat!  Then sit down!”  Singing during this time will forestall any discussion over it.  (After the first few days, no announcement will be needed.  Simply start singing the song, and gently steer any child who doesn’t immediately run over.)  When they’re all seated, sit down in front of them all with your feet out too, and start telling a story (make sure you have your hat and shoes in your place, too).  Speak in a slow, rhythmic voice, a little deeper than your own:

Once upon a time, there were two Feet.  (Have your feet with the soles facing each other.) 

'Hello,’ said the one foot.   ‘Hello,’ said the other.  (Wiggle the toes of one foot, then the other.)

(address this next part to the children) Can your feet say hello to one another? (go back to low story-voice.)  ‘Hello,’ said the one foot.  ‘Hello,’ said the other. 

‘Nice day for a walk,’ said the one foot.  ‘Indeed it is,’ said the other.  (Wiggle toes as each one speaks.) 

’Well, where should we go?’ said the one foot.  ‘I don’t know,’ said the other. 

So they began to walk.  (Lift your knees together and have the two feet ‘walk’ on the floor in place, slowly and steadily.) 

They walked and walked and walked.  ‘I’m really cold,’ said the one foot.  ‘I’m really wet,’ said the other.  ‘Maybe we can find a cave.’ 

They looked around, and they found something that they thought would be just right.  In they went. (put both feet into your hat.  The children will think this is hilarious.  They can put their feet into their caves, too. When the feet are ‘talking’ in the cave, speak in a muffled voice.) 

’Why are you pushing me?’ said the one foot.  ‘You’re pushing Me!’ said the other.  ‘We need to find our own caves.’ And out they came. 

‘Where is a cave for me?’ said the one foot.  ‘Where is a cave for me?’ said the other. 

They walked and walked, until they saw something new.

‘Here’s a cave that’s just my size!’ said the one foot, ‘But it will be hard to fit into.  I’ll open it up as much as I can.’ (Take one shoe and open it up, pulling any laces or Velcro wide, pulling up the tongue.   Then put your foot at the entrance, and start pushing it in.) 

’I can’t fit in! I can’t fit in! Push, push, push!’ said the one foot. 

Then In-He-Went!”  (Push your foot in.  Help any children who need help, repeating, ‘I can’t fit in! I can’t fit in!  Push, push push!’ until all of the children have one shoe on.  Then go back and sit down.) 

(Repeat that part of the story for the second foot). 

’Now we are ready to walk,’ said the feet! 

‘I won’t be cold,’ said the one foot.  ‘I won’t be wet,’ said the next foot.  And Off-They-Went.” 

(Reach down for your hat, and pull it onto your head, giving a big, satisfied sigh to signify the end of the story.)

The secret to having these Imaginative Journeys work is to make them highly ritualistic.  Make your movements crisp and stylized, so they are easy to imitate.  Make your voice firm and compelling.  Don’t force the children to do them with you, just make them so entrancing that the children want to follow along.  If a child doesn’t do it, you can give a little help to nudge them along, or repeat part of the story (like when I say, “Can your feet say hello to each other?”), but don’t take so much time away that you lose the interest of the rest of the children.  If a child doesn’t take part in the hand and face washing, for example, I will quickly wipe his hands and face for him as I’m picking up the cloths.  If he objects, I calmly state, “Next time you can do the story with us, and then I won’t have to wipe your face afterward.”

Other Strategies

If the idea of Imaginative Journeys is too much for you, then think about different ways that you can make these experiences special.  For example, I know one woman with a home daycare, and at the end of each meal, she calls each child up to her one by one, and she slowly and lovingly wipes each child’s face and hands, and brushes off any food from his clothing, then gives him a hug, and he can go and play.  She loves it because it's a chance for her to connect with each child.  Or sometimes I’ll play funny games with the cloths, where we hold them flat against our mouths and I ask funny questions (“Are we all wearing our bathing suits right now?”) That everyone can answer “Nooooo!” and shake their heads back and forth, wiping their mouths.  The trick is to make it so fun, or so sweet, that children don’t want to refuse.  It’s not a means to an end, it’s an end in itself!

Warmly,

Miss Faith

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Luring Kids into Helping

This is a response that I wrote to a mom in my teleclass who was inspired to fold laundry with her four-year-old daughter, only to discover that her daughter wasn't interested.  I believe that allowing children to help with housework can be wonderful for both of you, if it helps you and your child feel connected, if it allows them to develop competence, and enables them to feel like they're contributing.  Most children love to help whenever they're allowed to, but if your child is accustomed to you doing it on your own, they may not jump right in when giving the opportunity.  If that happens, then it's time to concentrate heavily on the connecting aspect, so they really enjoy doing it with you.  Here was a suggestion I gave: 

Dear Mom,
Don't be discouraged that your daughter didn't jump right in.  If she's used to not doing it with you, it may take awhile for her to warm up to it.  And I bet that just having you doing it so calmly and lovingly is still nurturing to her, even if she doesn't participate.  One thing you could do if you WANT her to help is to "lure" her in by making it into a real connecting activity.  Since she loves puppet shows, you might do this by telling a story while you fold laundry, something that she will really enjoy.  At first she might just sit near you while you fold and tell the story, and eventually she might want to help as well.  A slightly different take might be to make the act of folding really enjoyable, and incorporate it into a type of puppet show of its own.  It might go something like this:

"Once upon a time, there was a little mouse."  (take one of the baby's socks and make it into a little mouse scurrying along the ground. "That mouse lived in a house where there was LOTS of laundry to be done!  He loved living in that house because there were always lots and lots of places for him to hide."  (Have your mouse scurry from unfolded thing to unfolded thing.)  "In this same house there also lived a cat!  He loved to chase the mouse, but he couldn't find him
when he hid under laundry that wasn't folded. (Make a cat with a slightly larger piece of laundry that you roll up into a log.  Have the cat chase the mouse around, but the mouse always manages to hide.)

"One day, the cat had a great idea.  What if he could fold the laundry, so that the mouse had nowhere to hide?  He was very excited by this idea, but how could he do it?  Cats can't fold laundry!  He tried, and he tried, but he couldn't do it right." (Have the cat try and fail.)  "'I know,' said the cat.  'I need someone with hands who will help me.'  He looked around for someone who could help.  First he went to the baby to ask for help."  (He goes over to the baby.) "'Will you help me fold the laundry so I can catch the mouse?' He asks.  But the baby is too little, and doesn't know how to fold laundry.  Then he went to the mother.  'Will you help me fold the laundry so I can catch the mouse?'  'Yes,' said the mother, and she folded a washcloth."  (fold a washcloth that the mouse is hiding under, and have the mouse run away to another piece of laundry that's not folded.  The cat runs after him, but he doesn't get there in time.)  "Oh no!  The cat chased the mouse, but he wasn't fast enough! He looked around to see if there was anyone else who might help him by folding a piece of laundry.  There he saw a little girl."  (...)

You get the idea.  You and your daughter can alternate folding the laundry while the cat and the mouse run back and forth, until all of the laundry is folded.  You will have to decide if the cat gets to catch the mouse at the end, or if the mouse escapes, to be chased another day.  As time goes on, your daughter might want to control the mouse as he runs, or the cat (although it might be too hard to resist catching the mouse before the laundry is done).  At any rate, you don't have to use that story, but the idea is to make your task SO fun, that it's what she wants to be doing, and it's all about the two
of you connecting and having a good time together.  And, unlike a normal puppet show, the laundry gets folded at the end of this one!



Warmly,
Miss Faith

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Storytelling with Toddlers

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I love telling stories to toddlers. Although I enjoy reading stories to toddlers as well, I find the act of telling a story much different from reading one. Reading a storybook is a nice cuddly activity, where children snuggle up with me on the couch and we look at the pictures together, and talk about what's going on (I rarely read the words). This is a great activity to do when the kids are tired and grouchy, or when they're wound up and need something to help them calm down. Telling a story, on the other hand, is a much different experience: I tell it from memory. I use the same words or very similar words each time. The children are watching me instead of looking at a picture. And these are the stories that show up in the children's play again and again. They are alive for the children in a way that picturebook stories never are.

The age of the group determines where I tell the story: if I have a group of one- and two-year-olds, I'll usually tell the story at the lunch table. I'll wait until the older children (who usually eat much faster than the little ones) start to finish up. I'll start a story, and the big ones sit and listen to me, while the little ones have all the time they need to eat as slowly as they do. Then we can all end the meal at the same time. For groups of older toddlers (two- and three-year-olds), I will tell simpler stories at the table, but save my real storytelling juice for either a puppet show (often done very simply on my lap) or acted out in our circle. Or I'll start a new story at the table, and tell it pretty much every day for several weeks. Then I'll take the story and do it as a puppet show or as a circle for several more weeks. I only change stories about once a month at the earliest; when I had only one- and two-year-olds, I would tell the same story for two to three months before changing.

If the idea of memorizing a story is scary for you, don't worry: toddlers are VERY forgiving! The more times you tell the story, the more regular the words will get for you. I've often started telling a story just trying to remember it from my own childhood, and over several days or even a week the words and cadences will cement themselves together.  There are two types of stories that go over really well with toddlers. The first are nature stories, and the second are simple fairy tales.

Nature Stories
Nature stories are simple stories about woodland creatures that the children might find in their backyards.  In the fall I tell one of the animals telling what they're grateful for (at Thanksgiving time), as winter comes I have a story of a mouse finding a warm home for the winter in a pumpkin. In the spring I tell the story of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. A wonderful source for these stories is Suzanne Down of Juniper Tree puppets. She taught the puppetry portion of my LifeWays training in Wisconsin, and now is the organizer of the Rocky Mountain LifeWays training in Boulder, CO. She is a wonderful resource! You can check out her website at http://junipertreepuppets.com/ . She puts out a newsletter periodically that always has one of these simple nature stories that's appropriate for the season, with instructions on how to make simple table-puppets or lap-puppets if you wish to do it as a puppet show.

Simple Fairy Tales
The second type of story that toddlers love are fairy tales that have lots of repetition in them: The Three Little Pigs is my all-time most successful story, and is a great one to start with if you have never told a story before. You can even tell the Three Little Pigs for a month, then tell another story for a month, then tell the Three Little Pigs again. The children never tire of it; I am the only one who tires of it! Goldilocks and the Three Bears is a good one, but very long. If I can see that the children can't sit all the way through, I will truncate the part where the bears go through each activity and discover the destruction that Goldilocks has wrought. However, if I do it as a puppet show they can almost always sit through it. If I have a bit of an older toddler crowd, I will tell The Elves and the Shoemaker after Christmas.

A good story to tell at the table, that even little ones can enjoy, is the Grimm's tale Sweet Porridge. One year I had a little boy who was very demanding, so I changed the tale just a little bit so that the little girl must say to the pot “Please cook little pot, please cook.” Then when the little girl is gone, the mother forgets to say “please” when she's trying to stop the pot, and it won't stop. In my version she goes through various efforts to get the pot to stop before the little girl comes back and puts things to rights. The children LOVED it. Each time I say, “Do you think it stopped?” I look around expectantly and all of the children chorus, “No!”
Here is the version as I told it (or just google it for the original version; I know some people don't like any changes made to fairy tales):

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived with her mother. They were very poor, and one day they had nothing left to eat. So the little girl went out into the forest to see what she could find. While she was there she came across an old woman who gave her a magical pot. All she had to do was put the pot on the stove and say, “Please cook little pot, please cook,” and it would cook sweet porridge which they could eat to their hearts' content. When they were done, she would just say, “Please stop little pot, please stop,” and it would stop. The little girl thanked the old woman and ran home to her mother. “Look mother! We will never be hungry again,” she said, and so it was, for a long time.

One day, when the little girl had gone to town, the mother was hungry. She took out the pot and said, “Please cook little pot, please cook,” and she ate the sweet porridge to her heart's content. But when she was done eating, she forgot the words. She said, “Stop little pot, stop!” But do you think the pot stopped? No! It began to boil over the sides of the pot and onto the stove. The mother said, “Little pot, stop right now!” But do you think the pot stopped? No! The porridge began to boil off the stove and across the kitchen floor. The mother said, “Pot, stop-stop-stop-stop!” But do you think the pot stopped? No! It boiled out the door of the house and started going down the path. By the time the little girl came home, the porridge had filled every house in the town but one! The little girl ran home and said, “Please stop little pot, please stop,” and it did. But anyone who wanted to leave their house and go through the woods had to eat their way through the porridge.

If you have any questions or comments about storytelling with toddlers, don't hesitate to put it in the comments; others will surely appreciate it!


Warmly,
Miss Faith

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