tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-72340533847152840792024-03-05T23:22:19.520-07:00Joyful Toddlers!Practical tips for enjoying time with the Toddlers and Preschoolers in your lifeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-48332158155565588662011-11-20T15:53:00.001-07:002011-12-08T06:56:13.979-07:00Joyful Toddlers Has Moved!I've written a post on what it means to have high expectations for young kids, and posted it on the new Joyful Toddlers website! This post, and all future Joyful Toddlers blog posts, will be found on the new site: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a><br />
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Please change any bookmarks or links that you might have.<br />
Thanks!<br />
Miss FaithUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-23607594500033700512011-11-16T12:33:00.000-07:002011-11-16T12:33:01.407-07:00Joyful Toddlers Is Moving!I'm excited to announce that Joyful Toddlers is moving to a new spot on the internet! Change your links and your bookmarks, because from now on my posts will be integrated into the new Joyful Toddlers website, <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a>.<br />
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Many thanks to Beverly Mau of MAU Web Studio for helping me design this fabulous website. As of today (Nov 16) the website is still under construction, but I'm so excited to consolidate everything that I'm going ahead and transferring the blog content over. Thank you all for your patience as we work out any kinks. If you have any suggestions for the new website, don't hesitate to tell me at faith@joyfultoddlers.com.<br />
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Very Warmly,<br />
Miss Faith<br />
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PS Enrollments are starting to come in for the Tele-Class that starts on January 22, 2012, Joyful Days with Toddlers and Preschoolers! If you're thinking about taking the class, please let me know!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-1906023602860133052011-11-12T09:51:00.005-07:002011-12-08T06:29:17.370-07:00Young Kids and Chores<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbGOw1qgcq35JcOES9XQ4H-zJgwSc4eVv9gYydaL_PP5qw5jS6ya6o3wrOGY0jMdtkY84X7TCC65P9IxODaxe2xMTSdxy4t_rYa1vMeqY0DvuAmkddAqDwBsgQypVbrvlkFTBJJscVr3hN/s1600/dressing+to+go+outside+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbGOw1qgcq35JcOES9XQ4H-zJgwSc4eVv9gYydaL_PP5qw5jS6ya6o3wrOGY0jMdtkY84X7TCC65P9IxODaxe2xMTSdxy4t_rYa1vMeqY0DvuAmkddAqDwBsgQypVbrvlkFTBJJscVr3hN/s320/dressing+to+go+outside+2.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><i>Dear Miss Faith,<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Can you talk a little bit more about responsibilities/expectations/chores for 2-3 year olds? How do you go about incorporating young kids into household tasks, self-care, etc? What can you reasonably expect at different ages? When do you institute mandatory chores? </i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i> -E.N.</i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Dear E.,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">These are great questions! As you know if you’ve read just about anything I’ve written, I’m a huge proponent of incorporating kids of all ages into household tasks. First I’ll talk about why I think it’s so great to do, and then I’ll talk about age-appropriate expectations.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Why Household Tasks are Great for Kids<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"> The reason that I’m such a fan is threefold: first, when you slow down a household activity enough to incorporate a toddler into it, doing that task together can be a wonderful way to <i>connect</i> with your child. The two of you are doing it together. Second, doing household tasks are a wonderful way for children to practice skills and gain <i>competence</i> in many different areas: fine motor skills through folding wash-cloths; gross motor skills by putting dishes onto their shelf or sweeping the floor or washing the windows; sensory integration by washing the dishes or kneading dough. And by inviting a child into a task that you do from beginning to end, you are teaching him how to go about tasks: about follow-through, about attitude. Thirdly (and this is how doing household tasks together are different from doing arts-and-crafts projects), incorporating children into household tasks allows them to <i>contribute</i> to the household, and to help the person they love the most: you! That is really fulfilling for children. Although doing tasks with young children takes MUCH longer than doing it by yourself, making space for your child to be able to contribute to tasks that really need to be done sets the stage for them to be able to contribute in ever-greater ways in the future. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>What to Expect At Different Ages</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"> So, what are young kids capable of at different ages? When should it go from being something that you lure them into, to something that is simply expected? My experience is that adults tend to <i>under</i>estimate what one- and two-year-olds can do, and <i>over</i>estimate what three- and four-year-olds can do. What do I mean by that? Well, with the littler ones, we often simply don’t create the space or even have an idea of what a little one can do. Their skills are growing so quickly at this age, that we often treat them as an infant when they are in fact capable of much more. As young as 18 months, a young child can take her bowl from the table, scrape her food into a compost-tub, and put her bowl and spoon into a wash-tub. I had a class of 8 one- and two-year olds, and they all did this after every meal! When a child first came to me, I would stand behind him and help him reach out his hand to get his bowl. Then I would point out the compost-tub, and walk over with him. Kneeling behind him, I’d put my hands around his to grasp the spoon and scrape out the food. Then I’d point out the wash-tub and he could put his bowl and spoon in by himself. After five or six times of literal ‘hands-on’ help like this, most kids became quite competent!<br />
Now, don’t get the wrong idea: some children require lots more than six times of ‘hands-on’ help, and all of the kids needed help sometimes, even those big almost-three-year-olds who had been doing it twice a day for almost two years. The fact that we ALWAYS did it after EVERY meal was a help, and the fact that everyone else was doing it, helped the new children learn quickly. We had a little song that we sang while we did it, which helped things go smoothly, and my assistant and I were always actively involved with the process.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
So what can most two-year-olds do, if we teach them how and help them do it every time? They can help you make their bed. They can brush their own teeth while you brush yours. They can help set the table if we hand things to them and ask them to put them on the table. They can wash their own hands, if we are right there to help/talk them through it: push up their own sleeves, scrub with soap, rinse hands clean, turn off the water, and dry their hands on a towel. They can drink from an open cup and only spill sometimes. They can take their bowl from the table to the counter when they’re done. They can help wash the table with a cloth before/after a meal. They can help wash dishes if you don’t mind them getting wet. They can go potty with help from you. They can help fold laundry, put things away, unload the dishwasher, put forks, spoons and knives in the proper place in the silverware drawer as long as they can reach. What two-year-olds generally CAN’T do: many can take shoes or clothes off, but can’t yet put them on. Most can’t follow multi-part directions, unless they’re very simple and sequential (“please pick up your sock and put it in the drawer” usually gets the sock picked up, but they may need a reminder of the second part: “and now put it in the drawer. Thank you!”).<o:p></o:p><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"> Three- and four-year-olds are much more competent in terms of what they are able to do. They are capable of doing many tasks, even fairly complex ones. However, adults frequently overestimate what child children of these ages can do. That’s because we assume that because a child is CAPABLE of doing something, they should be able to do it whenever we want them to. And that’s simply not the case. Just because your four-year-old is capable of putting on every item of clothing, doesn’t mean that you can simply ask him to get dressed and then go downstairs to fix breakfast while he does it. Chances are you’ll go upstairs ten minutes later to find his clothes still lying on the bed, while he’s playing with his fire-truck. In fact, even if you stay there with him and talk him through the process (“it’s time to get dressed and your clothes are on the bed. Where’s your shirt?”), he may well only be able to actually dress himself sometimes. Even though he’s CAPABLE of it, at this age he will only be ABLE to do it by himself sometimes. Some days those clothes zip right on, and some days you are doing almost every piece.<br />
How competent children at this age are on a given day depends on how tired they are, how distracted they are, how distracted YOU are, and many other factors that we can only guess at. <i> </i>The trick at this age is to be fully present with them as they do a task, stepping in to keep them on track as much or as little as is needed, without getting mad that yesterday they did it just fine, and today they don’t seem capable of doing anything. That’s how things are at this age. <i> The smoother and more consistent your support, the more and more frequently he’ll be able to do it on his own</i>. If your support is inconsistent, so that he can go a long ways off-track before you direct him back to the task at hand, or your support is angry, or your support is rushed, then he will resist that "support," and he’ll want to do the things you ask of him less and less.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>When to Implement “Chores”</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"> I am not a fan of “chores” for children under the age of seven. In my mind, “chores” are things you have to do whether you feel like it or not, and there may be some sort of punishment if they don’t get done. I don’t feel like this is appropriate for young children. Remember, in having children help with household tasks, we are setting patterns and laying the groundwork for a lifetime of helping out around the house, of pitching in, of feeling proud that they are contributing. In this vein, there are two important points to help set yourself up for success: first, don’t expect children to be able to do tasks by themselves, and second, don’t get into power struggles over tasks.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i>Don’t expect children to be able to do tasks by themselves.</i> With young children, household tasks should always be done together. Children want to be with us and connect with us; while they’re happy to forget about us when they are immersed in deep play, household tasks and self-care tasks are things that WE want them to do, and we want them done in a certain way. Therefore, they must be done together. Remember, children don’t have the skills yet to follow through on tasks consistently, even if they’re capable of doing each part. We are teaching them how to do these tasks, and supporting them as they learn the skill of following-through, which won’t be fully developed till much later.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i>Don’t get into a power struggle.</i> Although I don’t have chores, I do have expectations about what children help with. For example, when I set out to chop some veggies, I’ll bring my chopping board, knife and bowl to the table, along with some kid-chopping boards and table knives. I’ll start chopping my veggies, singing a chopping-song. Usually one or two or three children will come over and want to help, but if nobody does, that’s fine. They can play while I chop. Likewise with washing the table before a meal, or sweeping the floor. I do these tasks slowly and mindfully, with room for children, and the children are welcome to help or not, as they choose. Other tasks, such as tidying up, are done all together and I will gently steer a child who is not participating back into the activity by giving her a toy and asking her to put it in its place. And finally there are some tasks, such as clearing your bowl from the table, are expected from each child at the end of every meal. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">But what if a child refuses to take his bowl? What to do? Do I MAKE him do it? Or do I just not care? My answer to that is that it depends on why they're saying no. If a child is just saying “no” to try it out, I’ll say, “Oh, it looks like you need some help getting started,” and I’ll simply go over and help him pick up his bowl, then face him in the right direction. Just getting them in motion (through my own motions, NOT with words) is often enough to get him back on track. On the other hand, maybe he’s saying “no” to test boundaries. For example, perhaps you and your son set the table together every day, but one day your 3 ½ -year-old stands there defiantly and says, “No!” And then looks at you to see how you’ll respond. What do you do?<br />
In general, the best way to meet defiance in young kids is to transform their emotion through humor or imagination, and then continue on with the task being defied, without talking about it. So here's a response that comes immediately to my mind, if I were in the situation described above. I'd look at that little boy with utter amazement. “What???? Did you say No????? Wait! Say it again and see what happens!” Then he says “No,” but not nearly as defiantly. He’s curious. I take a big breath and raise my arms up high above my head, then say, “Whooooossshhhhh!” and swoop him up and onto the couch. Then I tickle him and kiss him until he’s limp with laughter. (I've transformed the emotion away from defiance.) I sit up and make smiling eye contact with him, then take him by the hand to help him up off the couch. Still holding his hand we walk into the kitchen together. “Now, where are the plates?” I say. (I go back to the task, without talking about it.) Usually a child is happy to get back on track at this point. But if he’s not, he might say say “No, I don’t want to set the table.”<br />
At this point the most important thing is <i>not to get into a power struggle</i>. The reason for this is that power struggles do little except give your child practice at saying no, and not doing what you say. Even if you make them do it, it’s not setting them up to want to do it again the NEXT time you ask; power struggles tend to beget more power struggles. So at this point, I’d look the child in the face, and try to get a sense of what’s going on. Depending on what I see, I might try to connect emotionally with him, in an imaginative way: I’ll make a sad face, and say, “I’ll be so lonely if I have to set the table all by myself. Boo hoo hooo! Boo hoo hooo!” and I’ll pretend to cry, looking through my fingers to see his response. But another time, I might look and see only obstinacy. In this case, instead of trying to play further, I’ll simply say, “I can see that you’re not ready to help me set the table today. That’s OK. Why don’t you sit on the couch and look at a book while I do it. I bet you’ll be ready to help me again tomorrow.” I’ll go and I’ll set the table by myself. And the next day, chances are pretty good that I’ll have my helper back.<br />
This is the part that strikes many parents as strange. Am I not simply 'giving in?' Have I not just lost my authority? Am I not setting things up for them to be irresponsible for life? But I would answer, no. This technique, of verbally creating an image of your child being cooperative the next time, is a powerful tool. Children will live up (or down) to our expectations most of the time. Often times, when we are trying to force a child to do something, we think we are stating expectations for them to do it. What our actions and attitude are ACTUALLY saying, however, is that we expect them NOT to do it, which is why we have to force them. So, by listening to their desires and letting them off this one day, but saying, "I bet you'll be ready to help again tomorrow," this creates a powerful image that children can live up to.<br />
However, just creating the image is not enough. If a child is refusing to help and can't be jollied into it, there's something else that must also be done the next time that task comes up. It's to go back to why doing household tasks together is useful: if your child is not inspired to contribute, and is not inspired to do it to build competency, then you must go back to the foundation: connecting. When the next day comes, take whatever your child didn't want to do the day before, and make it as enjoyable, as fun, as connecting as you can. When the connecting part is in place, the other pieces will fall back into place, too.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Warmly,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Miss Faith <o:p></o:p><br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check us out at our new location, <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a> </b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-75204545598434222962011-11-08T09:10:00.005-07:002011-12-08T06:58:19.989-07:00Fall Celebrations: MartinmasJoyful Toddlers has moved! You can find this post at its new location, <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/11/fall-celebrations-martinmas/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/11/fall-celebrations-martinmas/ </a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-70651441427527745412011-10-27T20:23:00.006-06:002011-12-08T06:59:47.138-07:00Next TeleClass to Begin January 22nd!Joyful Toddlers has moved! You can find this post at its new location, <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/10/next-teleclass-to-begin-january-22nd/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/2011/10/next-teleclass-to-begin-january-22nd/</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-52748518107930018112011-10-24T18:44:00.004-06:002011-12-08T07:00:31.809-07:00Toddler/Infant Sibling Interactions<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlJg1B_sbxJ20wAe9d8oaDdw8mnXpiwTMCAtJFGlS-mxOAZ-7sAOM9vM-P28WiVYII8_vUC_YJ-JNMMWDTdVvmzDhyphenhyphenkNAxLEO8HqI0Imz89io6KF4F_FYo6P8saBOhrKEmpxLCbsh9gQq7/s1600/Lily+and+Winn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlJg1B_sbxJ20wAe9d8oaDdw8mnXpiwTMCAtJFGlS-mxOAZ-7sAOM9vM-P28WiVYII8_vUC_YJ-JNMMWDTdVvmzDhyphenhyphenkNAxLEO8HqI0Imz89io6KF4F_FYo6P8saBOhrKEmpxLCbsh9gQq7/s200/Lily+and+Winn.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><span class="apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #333333;">My daughter is two and my son is almost one month old. My daughter is madly in love with her baby brother and wants to hold and carry him. I help her hold him while sitting down, but am having a tough time redirecting when she tries to pick him up or take him out of my arms and pulls on him. I find myself saying no while playing tug o war with my infant- not effective parenting :( Really, I'm looking for advice on those situations when the toddler puts herself or others in harm’s way. Another similar example is that when she plays with her friends, she will hug and not let go until the friend cries or falls over.</span><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Dear Erin,<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> It always feels like such a shame when we see a child go in with good intentions, only to have things end poorly. I have had several children in my care whose instincts for affection seem to be to grab and not let go. The good news is that their hearts are in the right place. The bad news is that it’s a hard habit to break! I’ll answer the sibling part of your comment today, and address the friend-hugging another day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="apple-style-span"><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Toddler/Infant Sibling Interactions<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"> I’ve noticed that two-year-olds with infant siblings do best when they get lots of help with EVERY physical interaction, until they have strong habits in place. The best way to establish these habits is to have very firm ‘rules’ about how it’s OK to touch the baby: she can hold him sitting down while you help, or she can touch him with one finger. I’m a huge fan of one-finger-touching for 1- and 2-year-olds. It is useful for ANYTHING they might want to grab, that could be hurt or ruined: flowers, computers, your earrings, your baby son. So, first introduce these rules. She already knows about you helping her hold him when she’s sitting down, so introduce the one-finger rule. “You can touch your brother with your one finger. This is how we do it. That’s right! You’re doing it too! You can always touch him with your one finger.” Then, for the next several weeks, EVERY time you see her going to touch him, jump to her side and help her touch him with her one finger. Whenever she tries to touch in another way, lovingly show her how she CAN touch him. (If she is able to kiss him without grabbing, kissing on the cheek or arm is OK too. If she can’t resist grabbing when she kisses, teach her to blow kisses to him to show her love and affection.) After a few weeks of physically helping her touch with one finger every time, you will start to be able to remind her verbally from a little distance away. Soon she’ll do it by herself, looking right at you. “That’s right! You know how to touch your little brother!” Even once she does that, she may still need help when she’s tired or excited. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">She may also occasionally try to touch him in another way, looking over at you to see if it’s OK. For now, go ahead and remind her how she CAN touch him—with one finger. Once her habits of touching him really gently are firmly in place, you can start to expand from there. Acknowledge that you’re changing the rules. “Now that you know how to touch him so gently, you can touch him with your whole hand. You can stroke his arm, like this. Yes!” Expand the acceptable ways of touching very slowly, and start helping her notice if he’s liking her touch or not liking her touch. “Look, he’s pulling away. He’s saying, ‘that’s too rough!’” or, “Even though you’re touching him gently, he’s saying ‘Not right now.’” And help her touch him in a way that he likes, or if he’s not liking anything, to pull away and blow him a kiss instead.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">This technique is very energy-intensive for several weeks or even a few months. But it’s totally worth it, because you’re laying the foundation for positive sibling interactions for the rest of their lives. Siblings who notice what the other one wants (or doesn’t want), and respond respectfully to those cues, have positive relationships with one another. This noticing and responding respectfully is the key to bypassing the bossy/bullying/playing-the-victim/picking-on-each-other-till-they-explode cycle that can mar many sibling relationships. So start laying the groundwork now!</span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;"><b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a> </b> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #f9f4ee; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-49071462484776491702011-10-17T12:58:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:02:13.547-07:00Help Getting to Sleep<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHdJevY8jSwO9nbdTSzdsO6YM7o037jqeS-JGR1KyRM4xatT6vJAshFnEtwFMBsBq-1OqVPrZchOoPz5a91IoxBaCBF-jN14a04Ef4Fgm-okcrMslWYVgngZWA1d0-MUa4ywFw_8fDX0k/s1600/IMG_8269.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNHdJevY8jSwO9nbdTSzdsO6YM7o037jqeS-JGR1KyRM4xatT6vJAshFnEtwFMBsBq-1OqVPrZchOoPz5a91IoxBaCBF-jN14a04Ef4Fgm-okcrMslWYVgngZWA1d0-MUa4ywFw_8fDX0k/s320/IMG_8269.JPG" width="193" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>Hello,<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>My question is about my 20 month old and sleep. My daughter usually takes several hours to get to sleep no matter what. I really feel she doesn't get enough sleep, and she is often exhausted but cannot seem to stop wiggling. She has always had a great deal of trouble sleeping, she is very active, smart, and has been overly alert since birth. She is quite sensitive to noise etc. but fine otherwise. I keep her routine as predictable as I can...esp around sleep times...and I make sure she plays outside for a while each day, but it seems she needs to much more to get to sleep. I am exhausted and a bit worried because we have a new baby coming soon.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>ANY suggestions are appreciated. We have and continue to explore food allergies, sensory issues (i believe that is a contributing factor), we have a homeopath, have seen crainiosacral therapists etc. etc.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i>-Laura</i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Hi Laura,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Oh my gosh, what a challenge for you guys. It sounds like you're doing a lot of the things I would suggest, and how frustrating that none of it seems to work consistently.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I am currently reading a book that I am LOVING, and might be just what you need. It is called "<i>Sleepless in America: Practical Strategies to Help Your Family Get the Sleep it Deserves</i>," by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I'm only about half way through, but so far I've agreed with just about everything that she's said. She talks about how when children are sleep-deprived, their bodies emit stress hormones, which make it much harder to get to sleep. She talks about teaching children how to relax their bodies, and she gives lots of tips on how to minimize stress levels throughout the day, and how to approach bedtime. She's not a cry-it-out proponent. Her book is not focused on toddlers specifically, but she does address the issue of children who have always been jumpy and had trouble sleeping.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><o:p><b>Setting the Mood</b></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">From my personal experience, the thing that I've found that makes the most difference is the lead-up to bedtime. I dim the lights, pull the curtains, and start talking in a very soft voice, walking very softly, helping the children 'wind-down.' I actually don't tell or read a story, because I find them to be more stimulating than calming for many kids. I make the sleep-room VERY dark, and have the lights already out when we tiptoe in and slip into bed. I start by rubbing backs as I sing a lullaby (I sing the same one over and over, gradually getting slower and softer, till I'm humming, then I finally drop silent. I lie down on the floor next to the children, and I doze off. They can almost never resist that.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><b>Help Their Fingers</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">For children who have trouble falling asleep, I have a few tricks that have worked. One is that I've noticed that lots children keep themselves awake through their fingers. Their fingers wander around, touching and exploring, poking themselves in the face, etc. With those children, I'll often have them lie with both hands on their stomach, and I'll put my hand(s) over theirs, and say, "Now it's time for your hands to go to sleep. They can lie there quietly and listen to me sing." Sometimes I'll even take each of her hands and surround it with one of mine, to help them sleep. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><b>Wrap Them Up</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Another thing I've tried which has worked like magic with some kids, and not so well with others, is to wrap them up fairly tight (like swaddling). It can help them with wiggling, and makes them feel secure, but largely I think it helps them keep those little fingers still, without me having to do it for them. To set the stage for this, start telling a story about a caterpillar who was so sleepy, and how he wrapped himself in a cocoon blanket, and when he woke, he had transformed into a beautiful butterfly. Tell it for a few days, then one day say, "I know! You can be like that caterpillar, and turn into a butterfly, too!" Then get a blanket that's about the size of a large couch-throw, and with her arms at her side, wrap her fairly tightly in this special cocoon blanket Lie her down on the bed and rub her head or her body (not both; see which works better for her) while you sing to her. When she wakes up, comment on how she has become like butterfly! I know one LifeWays care provider who does this with all of the children in her program, and she says that it has changed the entire naptime experience.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><o:p><b>Absorb Busy Energy</b></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The third thing I do is to absorb 'busy' energy, and emit 'sleepy' energy. I start doing this when I dim the lights while we're getting ready, and then I have a specific technique when they're falling asleep. I find this to be very effective, because I don't get so annoyed when the kids are doing something (like not going to sleep). I've found that kids have a VERY hard time falling asleep when I'm annoyed at them; I guess it makes sense that it's hard for a child to relax when there's somebody tense next to her. Anyhow, the way I do it when they're falling asleep is by rubbing the child's back. I start out rubbing <i>quite </i>firmly, and imagine all of her 'busy' energy flowing out of her body up into my arm. I imagine that I'm doing the moving FOR her, so she doesn't have to wiggle around herself. All of that wiggly energy that's trapped inside her can flow into my hand and up my arm. As I feel her busy energy emptying out of her, I let my hand get slower and softer. I start imagining sleepy energy pouring out of my arm and into her. If I get slower and she starts to wriggle around, I get a little more firm and pull more of that energy out, then slow down again (you can do this technique with the cocoon or without). As her body starts to relax, I get slower and slower, until my hand is still and heavy, with sleepy energy flowing into her. When she's breathing regularly and not moving around, I slowly make my hand lighter, lifting a hair with each in-breath, until it's hovering a few inches above her, and then I allow my hand to radiate a blessing of sleep out over her, casting a protective 'net' that stays over her while she sleeps and keeps her from waking up from noises. I've taught this energy technique to two assistants, and they've both noticed an improvement when they used it. The main key is that you absorb 'busy' energy, and you send out 'sleepy' energy. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Good luck! Sleep is such a tricky issue, because everyone's patience is impaired by lack of sleep (your daughter's, your husband's, and yours). I find that i have almost immeasurable patience if I get 8.5 to 9 hours of sleep per night, but my patience gets shorter much quickly if I get much less. Do order that book from the library if you can, I'd love to hear if it is helpful as well.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p>Warmly,</o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Miss Faith</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-12196586789271723192011-10-13T21:16:00.003-06:002011-12-08T07:03:37.375-07:00Imaginative Journeys for Mundane Tasks<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjFuG-0P_3W4xRKSUMaMGm2C8LnOMfSsBNWZCdL8VWkP0IMTOwjLGIWRcB-DbeiZPjKWu6F46qBZ4jrbQwjPBl1hXoJ7_JEpPLRQtvzHqxDLm83KL4BANqfp2DNbs8jK_GBqWNnZfgsYN/s1600/redbird.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmjFuG-0P_3W4xRKSUMaMGm2C8LnOMfSsBNWZCdL8VWkP0IMTOwjLGIWRcB-DbeiZPjKWu6F46qBZ4jrbQwjPBl1hXoJ7_JEpPLRQtvzHqxDLm83KL4BANqfp2DNbs8jK_GBqWNnZfgsYN/s320/redbird.jpg" width="197" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Redbird tell each child to put<br />
his cloth in the bowl</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Times,serif;">Dear Miss Faith,</span></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Times,serif;"> </span></span></i><span style="background-color: white; color: black; font-family: Times,serif;"><i><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> I’ve never before had children that regularly made a fuss but at the moment I look after two brothers (just turned 3 and 4) that get upset about washing hands, having nappies (diapers) changed and having shoes put on. I always give them warning (ie. in a few minutes we can wash our hands so that we will be ready to prepare our snack) give them a choice of helping to do it themselves or I can do it and try to keep things positive and fun but quite often none of it works. I hate having to force them to do things when they get upset but these are things that really need to be done so im not sure what else to do. If you can think of any ideas that might help us I would be grateful!</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span">Thank you, </span><span class="apple-style-span">Karen</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Hi Karen,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"> If the children were smaller (say, between 1 and 3), I’d suggest doing less talking. A child who refuses to put on his shoes when you tell him, is often fine if you simply take him by the hand and start putting on his shoes without talking about it. Especially if you are talking about something else that’s interesting, instead. However, your boys are older, and that probably won’t work with them. So, there are a couple of things to do. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">One thing that can be very effective is using songs for transitions like washing hands, putting on shoes, etc. A wonderful source for songs for these activities can be found in Mary Schunnemann’s songbook with CD, “This is the Way We Wash-A-Day” (look in the tab "Toy Stores and Song Books" above for how to get it). But again, at three and four, these boys may be so entrenched in being against these activities that you may have to bring out the Big Guns!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">The Big Guns in this case are what I’ll call Imaginative Journeys. Three and four year olds are enthralled with imaginative stories of any kind, and these are extra fun because of the movement involved. An Imaginative Journey is a story that you and the children act out together, that involve doing something (like washing hands or putting on shoes). They take a lot more time than just doing the act quickly, but they’re well worth it: the children love them, and it is a sneaky way to increase competence in children who resist doing things for themselves. Think of them as activities in their own right, like circle games. Here are a couple examples, but you can also make up your own. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Washing Hands After A Meal<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Try washing hands at the table, using wet wash-cloths. Start telling a story, using the cloths. Here’s one that I use: <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Once upon a time, there was a little caterpillar. (<i>You wrap one hand up in the wash-cloth and start ‘crawling’ it around the table</i>). <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">This caterpillar was SOOO Hungry! He was hungry for…Rice! (<i>or whatever you had for lunch</i>). <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">He searched and he searched, until finally he found some! (<i>find your other hand which is open palm-up on the table and ‘eat’ all of the rice on it, scrubbing it with the wash-cloth</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">But he was still hungry. ‘Maybe I’ll find some more up here,’ he said, and he crawled higher and higher (<i>crawl up your arm</i>) until he came to the top. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">‘There’s lots of rice here!’ he said, and he ate, and he ate and he ate (<i>wash your whole face with the wash-cloth while you say it</i>) until he was SOOO Full, and SOOO Sleepy. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">He wrapped himself up in a cocoon blanket, and he found a Branch (<i>put your arm out horizontally</i>) where he hung himself, and he fell fast asleep. (<i>hang your caterpillar arm over your branch arm.</i>) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">He slept for days and days, until one day he felt the warm sun on his back, and he wiggled and wiggled out of his cocoon, and down it fell. (<i>put the washcloth on the table, then bring your hands up so your fists are together</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">But he discovered that he was no longer a caterpillar; he had become a beautiful butterfly! (<i>link your thumbs and let your fingers flutter as your butterfly flies around</i>. <i>The end. Or sing a little butterfly song.</i>) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">If you are washing hands before a meal, it might be something much faster, maybe even just a song with movements to scrub each hand. At Rainbow Bridge we wash hands before the meal with a pitcher and wash-basin at the table. We sing a song while we do it, and wash each child's hands in turn around the table. the children who are competent scrub their hands with soap and dry their hands on a towel; those who don't, we do it for them. There's no discussion about it because we're singing, and each child's turn seems quite inevitable.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Putting On Shoes<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Again, think about how you can make this into an imaginative journey. The following story I just made up, thinking about what I would do in your situation. The story you make up doesn’t have to be as long or as involved as this one, but it should be interesting enough that everyone wants to take part. You can do the same story every day for at least a month, or significantly longer if you don’t get totally sick of it. Here goes: Put all of the children’s hats down in a row, about 2 feet apart, with the child’s shoes in front of it, then announce, “Today, we will do something special. Each child may go and sit down where his hat is!” While they’re finding their hats and sitting down, sing “Find your hat! Then sit down! Find your hat! Then sit down!” Singing during this time will forestall any discussion over it. (After the first few days, no announcement will be needed. Simply start singing the song, and gently steer any child who doesn’t immediately run over.) When they’re all seated, sit down in front of them all with your feet out too, and start telling a story (make sure you have your hat and shoes in your place, too). Speak in a slow, rhythmic voice, a little deeper than your own: <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Once upon a time, there were two Feet. (<i>Have your feet with the soles facing each other</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">'Hello,’ said the one foot. ‘Hello,’ said the other. (<i>Wiggle the toes of one foot, then the other</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">(<i>address this next part to the children</i>) Can your feet say hello to one another? (<i>go back to low story-voice</i>.) ‘Hello,’ said the one foot. ‘Hello,’ said the other. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">‘Nice day for a walk,’ said the one foot. ‘Indeed it is,’ said the other. (<i>Wiggle toes as each one speaks</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">’Well, where should we go?’ said the one foot. ‘I don’t know,’ said the other. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">So they began to walk. (<i>Lift your knees together and have the two feet ‘walk’ on the floor in place, slowly and steadily</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">They walked and walked and walked. ‘I’m really cold,’ said the one foot. ‘I’m really wet,’ said the other. ‘Maybe we can find a cave.’ <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">They looked around, and they found something that they thought would be just right. In they went. (<i>put both feet into your hat. The children will think this is hilarious. They can put their feet into their caves, too. When the feet are ‘talking’ in the cave, speak in a muffled voice</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">’Why are you pushing me?’ said the one foot. ‘You’re pushing Me!’ said the other. ‘We need to find our own caves.’ And out they came. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">‘Where is a cave for me?’ said the one foot. ‘Where is a cave for me?’ said the other. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">They walked and walked, until they saw something new. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">‘Here’s a cave that’s just my size!’ said the one foot, ‘But it will be hard to fit into. I’ll open it up as much as I can.’ (<i>Take one shoe and open it up, pulling any laces or Velcro wide, pulling up the tongue. Then put your foot at the entrance, and start pushing it in</i>.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">’I can’t fit in! I can’t fit in! Push, push, push!’ said the one foot. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Then In-He-Went!” (<i>Push your foot in. Help any children who need help, repeating, ‘I can’t fit in! I can’t fit in! Push, push push!’ until all of the children have one shoe on. Then go back and sit down.</i>) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">(<i>Repeat that part of the story for the second foot</i>). <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">’Now we are ready to walk,’ said the feet! <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">‘I won’t be cold,’ said the one foot. ‘I won’t be wet,’ said the next foot. And Off-They-Went.” <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">(<i>Reach down for your hat, and pull it onto your head, giving a big, satisfied sigh to signify the end of the story</i>.)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">The secret to having these Imaginative Journeys work is to make them highly ritualistic. Make your movements crisp and stylized, so they are easy to imitate. Make your voice firm and compelling. Don’t force the children to do them with you, just make them so entrancing that the children want to follow along. If a child doesn’t do it, you can give a little help to nudge them along, or repeat part of the story (like when I say, “Can your feet say hello to each other?”), but don’t take so much time away that you lose the interest of the rest of the children. If a child doesn’t take part in the hand and face washing, for example, I will quickly wipe his hands and face for him as I’m picking up the cloths. If he objects, I calmly state, “Next time you can do the story with us, and then I won’t have to wipe your face afterward.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Other Strategies<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">If the idea of Imaginative Journeys is too much for you, then think about different ways that you can make these experiences special. For example, I know one woman with a home daycare, and at the end of each meal, she calls each child up to her one by one, and she slowly and lovingly wipes each child’s face and hands, and brushes off any food from his clothing, then gives him a hug, and he can go and play. She loves it because it's a chance for her to connect with each child. Or sometimes I’ll play funny games with the cloths, where we hold them flat against our mouths and I ask funny questions (“Are we all wearing our bathing suits right now?”) That everyone can answer “Nooooo!” and shake their heads back and forth, wiping their mouths. The trick is to make it so fun, or so sweet, that children don’t want to refuse. It’s not a means to an end, it’s an end in itself!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Warmly,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Miss Faith<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-60515910711556413992011-10-10T10:15:00.003-06:002011-12-08T07:04:41.915-07:00Starting Daycare and Saying Goodbye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU3ynrBKDIeBqtjaOLj0AYUcIUE6y7uBCP-GD0djKwNIIhrC4g1TVO69K5wRARbvF3hcyAZqK1gNKb3IMwUG7AEQjvW0lJC6q0WBBQ4gS0nbIY5g4ZlZzCbIZb_CtWqz8yGwrnzjbJhKn4/s1600/recent+pics+083.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU3ynrBKDIeBqtjaOLj0AYUcIUE6y7uBCP-GD0djKwNIIhrC4g1TVO69K5wRARbvF3hcyAZqK1gNKb3IMwUG7AEQjvW0lJC6q0WBBQ4gS0nbIY5g4ZlZzCbIZb_CtWqz8yGwrnzjbJhKn4/s320/recent+pics+083.JPG" width="191" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Dear Miss Faith,<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i> My little guy is starting daycare and while I’m sure that it will be a wonderful, loving place for him, I am dreading dropping him off and saying goodbye. We have had a hard time with babysitters lately. Do you have any advice for helping it go smoothly?<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Dear Mama,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Yes! I have helped many families adjust to saying goodbye for the first time, and what I’ve seen is this: the thing that makes the most difference for a child is the parent’s attitude. When a parent feels bad that a child is crying, and lingers as a result, children often continue crying for a long time, even after the parent has managed to drag herself away. I think that when a parent does this, the message she is sending is, “I don’t want to leave you here, but I have to.” The way the child interprets this is, “Mom doesn’t want to leave me here; I AM NOT SAFE HERE.” <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">The biggest gift you can give your child is to say, with every ounce of your being, “I am leaving you in the best of hands.” You don’t have to say this out loud; transmit it through your actions, through your attitude. This doesn’t mean that you don’t acknowledge his feelings: it’s hard to watch you leave! You can be compassionate without feeling guilty for causing the grief. “I know that saying goodbye is hard, AND I know that you’ll have a good time while I’m gone. I love you so much, and I am leaving you in the best of hands.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i>But what if I AM feeling guilty? It is heart-wrenching to walk away when my little one is crying his heart out and reaching out to me. <o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">It seems like one more hug could only help, right? But no. Remember, you know that this is going to be a wonderful, loving place for him. You told me that in your letter. That’s why you chose this place. So, if that is true, then being there won’t be a hardship for him; it’s only the process of watching you leave that is hard. In that case, the longer you draw out the process of leaving, the longer you’re drawing out his feelings of unhappiness. Be loving, and firm in your knowledge that this is the best choice for your family, and say goodbye. If you go out to your car and cry, that’s OK. This is a big transition for both of you. But don’t let those guilty feelings make your son’s separation even harder than it needs to be. (One thing that can help is to ask your caretaker to call you if he hasn’t stopped crying after a certain amount of time.)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i>I tried doing what you said, but he runs after me and latches onto my legs, so the caretaker has to pull him off of me. That feels terrible!</i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">I bet that feels terrible for everyone! It sounds like your little guy may feel safer with a ‘hand-off.’ Hold him while you’re coming in, and when it’s time to go, put him into the arms of his caretaker. Then blow a kiss and wave goodbye. It’s important that you’re handing him over to the caretaker, so that she doesn’t have to be in the position of pulling him away from you. Remember, you want to be giving your son the message that you are making a good decision and he will be safe here. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i><br />
</i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i>On the first day, drop-off was OK, but it seems like it’s getting worse and worse. </i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">My experience is that the first day is often deceptively easy, because your child doesn’t know what’s in store! Then days two, three and four get worse and worse, as he starts to realize that this is a regular thing! But by day five he has started to bond with his caretaker, so it's a little better, and day six is a little better still. Once that bond is established there may still be some crying, but he should be easily comforted by his caretaker after you leave. If your child is only going two days a week, this process might be a little bit slower, as it will take him more time to bond with someone he is not seeing as frequently. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">So, know that learning to say goodbye is a process, and don’t lose faith! Continue letting him know that you are leaving him in the best of hands, and don’t draw out the process of saying goodbye. If your child is still really having a hard time after this period, make some time (not at drop-off!) to talk to your caretaker. How long does he cry after you leave? Is he bonding with her and with any of the other children? If he's not bonding well, it may be that being in a big group is overwhelming for him still, and he'd do better with a sitter or a nanny at home. Many children are not ready to be in a group setting without mom until they are at least three years old. If it seems that he IS bonding with her, ask if there’s anything you could be doing differently, that would help his transition. She may well have some ideas.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Warmly,</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Miss Faith<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/ </a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-80249654413221046452011-10-03T19:19:00.001-06:002011-12-08T07:05:51.425-07:00hitting smaller children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVIGjWxgmsGry7DI-MtPR2yI_neY5VZKu_oSMG8MVi3hVsYxzF-hc_1Nd16gJC-2OvYnGB_oQInQlqqJuXMjyYbLnS7jVca0bdEL2FB18_f_FKsHBoO43bDZinrT6SO448JW-oIq1wF7Ne/s1600/IMG_8253.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVIGjWxgmsGry7DI-MtPR2yI_neY5VZKu_oSMG8MVi3hVsYxzF-hc_1Nd16gJC-2OvYnGB_oQInQlqqJuXMjyYbLnS7jVca0bdEL2FB18_f_FKsHBoO43bDZinrT6SO448JW-oIq1wF7Ne/s320/IMG_8253.JPG" width="213" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">Hi Miss Faith,<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><i><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;">First, congratulations. I hope you and your partner had a great honeymoon. I didn't change my last name until I was 3 years into marriage (I didn't think I ever was going to change it, but had a change of heart).<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;"> In any case, we're having challenges with my 2 1/2 year old being physically aggressive with her peers. Sometimes it's 'out of nowhere' which makes it all the more baffling. In other words, I understand more when she grabs, pushes, pinches, etc. to get something, but am worried about where it's coming from (even when the cause is evident). She doesn't do this with older children (even slightly older). She is very verbal (and did this before she was verbal - I saw your post about that) and has always been on the higher energy side. She didn't do any of it this summer (despite ample opportunity) but now has started up again, even pushing babies down, etc.! Any tips or insight is appreciated!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i><span style="background: none repeat scroll 0% 0% white;"> -Jennifer<o:p></o:p></span></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hi Jennifer,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> While most toddlers love 'babies,' I have had several children who were naturally aggressive to children who were smaller than they were, and their moms (and I) had to work extra hard with those children as they learned impulse control. My heart goes out to you! Don’t worry too much about “where this is coming from.” She is not destined to grow up to be a bully, and nor is it necessarily a commentary on your parenting. I firmly believe that some children come into the world timid, and some come in with guns blazing; it’s our role as parents and caregivers to help all of them learn behavior skills that will serve them well as they interact with others. That being said, it’s worth asking the basic questions: Does she have a regular routine and consistent boundaries so that she knows what is coming up next and what’s expected? Does she have a nurturing home environment (you aren’t remodeling your house, are you?) and get lots of loving attention from you (no new baby in the family)? If these things aren’t as strong as they could be, then do put some attention into them. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> My main long-term suggestion is to help your little girl develop the virtue of Empathy. 2 ½ is a great age to start working on this, as it’s the age when children first start to really be able to live in to someone else’s experiences. Here are a few ways you can help her as she begins this process:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Start Noticing Others</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Start noticing out loud how other children are expressing their feelings, and start a conversation with your daughter about what they might want/need. I find it’s more useful for kids if I describe their feelings through actions, rather than simply labeling “he’s sad” or “he’s angry.” So, in the grocery store you might say, “Look, that little boy is so loud! He threw that box of cereal! What do you think he wishes? Maybe he wishes that they were done shopping.” Then imagine what could help: “I bet he could really use some hugs and kisses from his mom right now.” This type of noticing can help your daughter start feeling empathy. With children that your daughter knows, you might make some suggestions about how you two might help. Say you see a little boy crying at drop-off time at their play-group or the gym childcare. “Look, Liam is crying. He’s pulling on his mom. I bet he wishes his mom could stay.” Then, make a suggestion of how you two might help: “Do you think he might like it if we gave him a toy? What kind of toys does Liam like?” Then the two of you could help find a toy together, and offer it to Liam. If Liam takes the toy and likes it, you can celebrate your success with your daughter with a joyful smile. If he doesn’t want it, you might say, “We wanted to help Liam be happy by giving him a toy, but he wasn’t ready to be happy yet. Maybe we can play with him later.” The next step is to help her relate his experience with her own (but don’t be too heavy with this): “Are you sometimes sad when I leave you with the babysitter?”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Help Your Daughter Notice How Others React to Her<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Also start noticing out loud how children are responding to your daughter’s interactions with them, and you can even speak for those children if they’re not very verbal yet. If your daughter is approaching someone smaller who she has hurt in the past, watch how they react: “Oh, Tina’s turning away. She’s saying, ‘please touch me gently.’” If she does touch Tina gently, you might say, “Look! She’s smiling! She likes how you’re touching her!” If she touches Tina and Tina flinches and pulls away, you could say, “Tina’s saying, ‘please stop.’ I don’t think she wants even gentle touches today. Maybe you could try finding a toy for her, instead.” I use this type of noticing at Rainbow Bridge all the time, and it’s quite effective in helping children learn to notice the effects of their actions. Also, when I ‘speak’ for the smaller child in this way, when that child starts to talk, he or she will often use the words that I’ve been using for all that time, instead of simply shrieking (an added bonus!).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>A Special Doll<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Dolls can play a real and vital role for children as they process what they’ve experienced, and experience new roles in fantasy. I can often tell what’s going on at home by how children interact with our dolls: a girl with a colicky baby at home paced the playroom with the baby doll for a full 20 minutes, shushing her lovingly. Another little girl gave the doll many Time Outs. Get a special baby doll for your daughter, and make this baby really come alive. Introduce her with a special name, and hold her like you’d hold a real baby. Teach your daughter how to hold her, how to care for her. Treat her as much like a real baby as you can. Attribute feelings to her. If you see her on the floor, say “Oh no! Baby Rosie has fallen down! She’s crying!” Run over and scoop Baby Rosie off the floor, saying, “Don’t cry! I’ll give you hugs and kisses!” Pat her like you would a real baby, then pass her over to your daughter, saying, “I think she’d like some hugs from you, too.” Make putting Baby Rosie to bed part of your daughter’s bedtime ritual, where she can tuck her in and give her a kiss.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Books or stories that you make up can also be very useful. I often make up ‘teaching stories’ for children about woodland creatures who are experiencing what the children are going through. So in this case, since we’re working on empathy, it might be a little boy chipmunk who had a friend who was rough with him, and while he wanted to see his friend, he was scared he’d get hurt, and he stopped wanting his friend to come over anymore. I NEVER compare the story out loud to what’s happening in real life; the children simply soak it in.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>Set Her Up for Success</b><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Helping your daughter start to develop her sense of empathy is a longer-term solution to your problem. By the time she’s three I bet you’ll see a marked improvement, and by 3 ½ it should hopefully be gone (although it may come back in times of stress). In the meantime, do your best to put your daughter in situations where she can thrive and develop healthy patterns. Limit her interactions with smaller children as much as is practical for the next few months. Make a conscious effort to arrange play-dates with children who are slightly older than her for the next few months (2 ½ year-olds often LOVE four-year-olds). If you’re going to be with a family who has a littler child she has hurt in the past, perhaps bring your daughter’s new doll along with you, for her to nurture. And stay right on top of her as she interacts with any child who is littler than she is, helping her see if they’re liking what she’s doing.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Another piece of setting her up for success is to step things up a notch. I've noticed that many children at two-and-a-half suddenly need More than they were getting before: more structured activities (trips to the zoo or the creek, crafts, baking), more exercise (races, climbing, jumping), more expectations of helping, and more appreciation for showing the skills she's developed when she does help. If they don't get this More that they crave, they have trouble. And hang in there! You’ve got a strong-willed little girl on your hands, but an empathetic, respectful, strong-willed girl will be a pleasure to be around for the rest of her life. So help her develop these virtues.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Warmly,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Miss Faith<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> <br />
<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-42827232168355804432011-09-28T23:31:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:07:11.013-07:00Throwing Food<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0zLvB5wKWSl7ZHATC1PAMsUZiQP8Luj7idsPVoBRUyXvQUCIcInWuJRjKbZBqnbDXLY7nyh6OD3BFHZyb4lMjruwxQTi3Bggnamup8J_waUmcwQdw_e38DBKFkakYa1VwXnFtoCqfbc82/s1600/eating+our+bread.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="259" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0zLvB5wKWSl7ZHATC1PAMsUZiQP8Luj7idsPVoBRUyXvQUCIcInWuJRjKbZBqnbDXLY7nyh6OD3BFHZyb4lMjruwxQTi3Bggnamup8J_waUmcwQdw_e38DBKFkakYa1VwXnFtoCqfbc82/s320/eating+our+bread.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">Dear Miss Faith,</span></i></span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">Welcome back and congratulations! I have a question for you - my son is 15 mo old and is the messiest eater you can imagine. For the most part I let him feed himself (he loves it) but eventually he starts throwing food all over the place. At that point I assume he is full and ready to get down and play, but often he'll keep eating. I don't want to take the food away if he is still hungry, but I'm also losing my patience with the food flinging. It's great that we have a dog who cleans up most of the mess - but still... :-) Any advice?</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="background-color: white; color: black;"> </span></i></span><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="color: black;">Thanks,</span></i></span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"><i><span style="color: black;">Renee</span></i></span><span class="apple-converted-space"><i><span style="color: black;"> </span></i></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="color: black;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Hi Renee,</span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I am a big fan of letting kids eat by themselves as much as possible, but I'm right there with you that you don't want food being thrown around. One thing I've discovered that works really well is to give a child a very small amount of food, and then give them more when they've eaten it all, and more when they're done with that. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but kids tend to throw food less when there's less of it. It’s more energy-intensive for you, but it’s worth it to minimize the flinging. He's a little young to be talking, but when you see his empty bowl you can say, "You've eaten it all! Would you like some more?" He can nod, for sure. You see him nodding and you say for him, "Yes, please." Then, as he gets older, he can say "Yes, please," for himself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I've also noticed that many kids go through meals in a kind of wave-pattern of eating and not eating (hence the throwing of food, then continuing to eat afterwards). Using the method of eating several small servings can let a child naturally go through those waves. Telling little stories, or doing finger-games, or singing little songs can give a child something to do in the 'down' parts of the pattern besides throwing food around, if it hits when his bowl isn’t empty yet. Also, do you eat at the same time as he does? Children act strongly through imitation, so if you see him getting restless and you think food-throwing might be about to start, you could say, "I'm so thirsty! I'll take a sip of water!" Then you pick up your cup and take a drink. Chances are fairly good that he will do that too. “Mmmmm,” you say, making eye contact with him. Later you might say, "Take a bite!" and you take a bite with your fork.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">If food-throwing has turned into a fun game which is much more amusing anything else, I do sometimes take a child's bowl away, but I just do it for a moment. It might go something like this: a child throws some food and I say, "Oh! That food is just for eating! Where is your spoon?" I take a bite with my spoon. "Mmmmm." He throws the food again. "It looks like you're done eating. When you're ready to eat again, you can have your bowl back." I take the bowl. "Wahhh!" "This food is just for eating. Are you ready to eat?" He nods. I put the bowl back down. "Where's your spoon?" This actually works pretty well. If he starts throwing again, I'll say, "You forgot! That food is just for eating. Take a bite!" And I take a bite. Sometimes a reminder is enough to get them back on track, but at 15 months, it might not be. So, the next time, "I'll take your bowl till you're ready to eat." "Wahhh." This time, I don't give it back right away. "You wish you had your bowl, but you forgot that food was for eating. You can try again in a moment." I take a few bites of my food, take a sip of water, then say, "Are you ready to eat again?" He nods, and gets the bowl back. Normally, that's the end. But if the throwing starts again, I will take the bowl away and he is all done with his meal (otherwise THAT can turn into a game). I don't do it angrily, I'm matter-of-fact and a little sympathetic. I reassure him that he’ll get another chance to eat at lunchtime, and I create an image of him doing it right the next time. “You’re just learning that food’s only for eating,” I’ll say. “Don’t worry; you’ll get the hang of it.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Warmly,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Miss Faith</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-67572454396461020642011-09-28T12:33:00.001-06:002011-12-08T07:08:01.168-07:00I'm Back!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz-2ImIu9QPXPqLH9PVNvxo7zW2_PQiDUUiPO5wfysFoAP168s8ti4AVzrh6jj1Y3rEMEfoOS0KV8OhCNGlh1rXjDj3iSF_fy5UEm92ywXhhIUlOBQaWsq7N63LTFOmu1hXL7I39t7GsV6/s1600/at+the+stream.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhz-2ImIu9QPXPqLH9PVNvxo7zW2_PQiDUUiPO5wfysFoAP168s8ti4AVzrh6jj1Y3rEMEfoOS0KV8OhCNGlh1rXjDj3iSF_fy5UEm92ywXhhIUlOBQaWsq7N63LTFOmu1hXL7I39t7GsV6/s320/at+the+stream.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>Hi Everyone,<br />
<br />
Thanks for all of your good wedding wishes. I'm back from my honeymoon, feeling rejuvenated, and ready to get going again! <br />
<br />
And...it's taking my brain a bit of effort to switch gears. So give me a hand and get me started: what questions or issues are you working with at home or in your program? What feels good and what feels challenging? Post in the 'comments' here, or email me privately at faithrainbow@yahoo.com and let me know. Questions always get my creative juices flowing...<br />
<br />
Warmly,<br />
Miss Faith (or should I be Mrs. Faith? Mrs. Collins? I think I'll stick with Miss Faith, at least for now...)<br />
<br />
<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-73065465299342572772011-08-19T00:22:00.001-06:002011-12-08T07:08:58.283-07:00See you in October!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv2vTd3TSETT_CJp9-pnEB-NxjsOwfjVLJWlRRudK6_gwfL5TQUnSlQRANx-LpA32bfC9IOlRwFx8eQ287J-Q17B9SnKl_OYT2FuHZdOw1yGnz0japRCZo_A1m8Il3H0xkoKVbPL3NGtB3/s1600/rice.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv2vTd3TSETT_CJp9-pnEB-NxjsOwfjVLJWlRRudK6_gwfL5TQUnSlQRANx-LpA32bfC9IOlRwFx8eQ287J-Q17B9SnKl_OYT2FuHZdOw1yGnz0japRCZo_A1m8Il3H0xkoKVbPL3NGtB3/s320/rice.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Running through the rice!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Dear Readers,<br />
<br />
If you have all been wondering why my posting has been falling off lately, it's because I've been busy planning my wedding! Then last Saturday the day came, and I was lucky enough to join my life together with a wonderful man. What a moving and exciting experience. And now we're getting ready for our honeymoon, and then we'll be moving to London. So, I just wanted to let you know that I probably won't be posting again until October, when I plan to "get back to business" and start posting again on a regular basis. Thank you all for reading, and don't think I've fallen away altogether--I'll be back!<br />
<br />
Warmly,<br />
Miss Faith (now Faith Collins)<br />
<br />
<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-65433956817359429492011-08-06T00:18:00.001-06:002011-12-08T07:09:46.814-07:00Pre-Verbal Hitting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI9Hbnf3ehMBStu8DfJHgOguU4OG7jFUU8lYn38NgXlgseKQqMRQJJPjqWIOeFub8-C8T6faOVTG0kNONB31OWyXD3FzWyVQEkIhMoR611y9lqMrRH_owSHMoEhyXcxat9ucg_PIGAYain/s1600/bucket+heads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI9Hbnf3ehMBStu8DfJHgOguU4OG7jFUU8lYn38NgXlgseKQqMRQJJPjqWIOeFub8-C8T6faOVTG0kNONB31OWyXD3FzWyVQEkIhMoR611y9lqMrRH_owSHMoEhyXcxat9ucg_PIGAYain/s320/bucket+heads.jpg" width="279" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><span class="apple-style-span"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;">Hey Miss Faith, I was wondering if you could write more on hitting.</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;"><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> Our pre-verbal 15 mo is going through a rough phase this past month. He hits me and my husband in the face, throws things at us and the dog, pulls the cats by their tails and bops the goats on the nose. He's just being too rough with everyone.</span><span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> We've tried reminding and showing him how to use "gentle hands," and here lately we've been yelling, "No, we don't hit!" but that doesn't help either. My husband is getting really frustrated as this behavior continues and increases, and he wants me to start smacking him on the hand but that just seems antithetical to all my parenting philosophies.</span><br />
<span class="apple-style-span"> Just seems hard for us to communicate the ideas to him... maybe it seems harder because he doesn't yet talk himself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hi Mama, </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">In my experience, there are often two ‘rough phases’ with pre-verbal kids. The first often comes shortly after becoming steady on their feet; the other one often happens right before a child is about to start speaking. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">ROUGHNESS AFTER LEARNING TO WALK<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">So, your little guy learns to walk. At first, this is a great accomplishment on its own, and it takes all of his concentration. But then, he has mastered it! At this point, many kids go through a ‘rough’ phase. In my mind, I think of it as them realizing that they are big and powerful in the world! They are exulting in their new-found strength, and in the new-found freedom to use their arms for grabbing or flailing instead of for crawling. At this stage, I often see kids hitting, or grabbing hair, poking eyes, or biting for the first time. They are experiencing this new freedom from the inside, and they have no idea that these fabulous new movements are actually hurting other people, or the cat, or whatever else they come into contact with. This idea that they have to observe how their actions are affecting other people, and moderate them, is totally foreign. Up until this point in their lives, their actions have never had this effect on people before. So, we have to teach them to moderate their actions. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Because this is brand-new, it certainly won’t happen overnight. That's where we, as parents and caregivers, have to pull on our inner reserves. Just be as patient as you can, and remember that this is a new skill and a new idea, and will take many, many times of practicing before it becomes an internal process for him. Yelling as a general strategy doesn’t seem to help to speed up the process, although if a child really hurts you (through a hard bite, or a head-butt in the larynx, for example), then a big reaction is warrented. But that should be saved for infrequent safety-related moments. In general, remember that children learn through repetition, and through imitation. Don’t just say “gentle hands,” as that has little meaning. Instead, say “gentle hands,” and help him stroke the kitty, or stroke your leg, or stroke the neighbor girl’s arm. "Yes, that's it! You're touching with gentle hands!" If you re-direct his actions into stroking with his ‘gentle hands’ EVERY SINGLE TIME he is too rough, here’s what may well happen: First, you do it about a hundred times. After a couple of weeks, you’ll be able to say “gentle hands,” and some of the time he’ll start stroking on his own, without you physically helping him to do it. You give him lots of love when he does that. About 4 weeks in, he might start going over to the cat, or to the neighbor girl, and he’ll look directly at you, and very deliberately stroke her, without any prompting from you. You go crazy with joy, because this is the beginning of a new era! You still have to remind him (and help him) to touch gently a lot of the time, but he knows how to do it, and even thinks about doing it on his own. He is proud of his accomplishment, and you are too.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">ROUGHNESS BEFORE LEARNING TO SPEAK<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">The second time I’ve noticed that it’s fairly common for pre-verbal children to become aggressive is right before they start to speak. It seems to me that there is a process where a child becomes very frustrated that others can’t understand him, and then there’s a kind of break-through, and when they start speaking, things tend to even out. When this phase is going on, it can be very useful to give the child the words he will soon be using (you hope!). So, you see the neighbor girl accidentally bump into your little boy, and your boy turns around and hits her. Instead of saying, “No hitting!” or, “We don’t hit,” (or even "gentle hands,") try saying what he wishes he could say: “You’re saying, ‘Please don’t bump me!’” If the neighbor girl is crying, I would go over to her and give her a hug, saying “Oh no! Are you alright? That was too rough, wasn’t it? I think he was trying to say, ‘Please don’t bump me!’” Being a Translator for your little guy can help smooth out this time, and when those words come, he’ll know how to say what he’s wanting to express.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">And last thoughts: this time when they're learning to moderate their impulses can be trying for everyone, so don't forget to enjoy one another as much as you can! Whenever you are stepping up the 'discipline,' it's important to step up displays of love by an equal amount.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Warmly,</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Faith<br />
<br />
<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-28461331428761971582011-07-20T00:00:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:10:44.996-07:00Toddlers Grabbing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-z28IZHhjUifsqrGfc4mgmpLmX6F6zMu0BPS7cLwMFT9nVVeIDvdGpy5-7cfRi0T_cHhyNDSWjdUX3zQazynwLzolXdmwfAbTUcdvrVD9uu6KBIhvRioww-jIcQLOoXkOq85dBMilpDSe/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-z28IZHhjUifsqrGfc4mgmpLmX6F6zMu0BPS7cLwMFT9nVVeIDvdGpy5-7cfRi0T_cHhyNDSWjdUX3zQazynwLzolXdmwfAbTUcdvrVD9uu6KBIhvRioww-jIcQLOoXkOq85dBMilpDSe/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+002.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>Dear Miss Faith,<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i>My son is 22 months and he always wants to pound on the computer keyboard or grab the mouse. My husband yells at him a lot for this, and the whole thing is driving me crazy, but I don’t know what to do. Any ideas you have would be welcome.</i><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hi there,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">It’s not surprising that your little guy wants to bang on the keyboard and grab the mouse, that’s what he sees you and dad doing, all the time! Children want to be involved in whatever we’re involved in, and they want to do whatever they see us doing. That said, it’s not always appropriate for them to do what we’re doing! What to do?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">I have a couple of suggestions: the first one is to get or make a toy computer that he can play with, so he can use that imitative urge. You can make a perfectly good laptop out of a FedEx box, some construction paper, and a marker. However, this will only solve part of the problem, because the real issue is that he sees your computer sucking your attention away, and he wants to be involved in whatever you’re involved in. But yelling at him not to touch doesn’t get you very far. Here’s the important piece:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Whenever a child wants to touch something that you don’t want them to be messing with, think of a way that he CAN touch/interact with it, that is OK with you. Using one finger is often helpful. For a laptop, it might be that he can run his index finger along the edge that protects the screen. Next, teach him how to do it. And from then on, whenever he wants to interact with the computer, you can guide him to touch it in this way that you’ve sanctioned. So you’re never pushing him away, you’re never yelling at him to stop, you’re just reminding him, again and again, how he CAN touch it. “Oh! You can touch it on the edge, with your finger.” (Show him. He imitates). “That’s right! You’re touching the computer! That’s the way you do it!” You smile into his eyes, and he’s thrilled that he gets to interact with you around this object which you spend lots of time concentrating on, and clearly love. You’re not pushing him away, you’re inviting him in, in a way that is age-appropriate. He can touch the edge of the computer as many times as he wants to. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">I have done this with children that age with many things, and it seems to satisfy them. I had one little girl who was a little younger, 17 months or so, who desperately wanted to grab my knitting whenever I’d sit down with it on the couch. Instead of pulling it away from her or chastising her, I came up with a little ritual: whenever she wanted to interact with my knitting, she could put one finger up and touch the tip of one needle, then the tip of another. It took a couple of days of near-constant practice with her, but eventually it became an established ritual, and then lost much its interest (perhaps because it didn’t get such a big response as grabbing my knitting had?). After that she would come up and touch my knitting needles about once an hour, but no more. Each time was a little chance for us to make eye contact and connect briefly, and then she’d go back to her play. She rarely grabbed it again. I’ve also done this with flowers in my garden: with flowers, you can touch them with one finger, or you can smell them. That is all. Children are satisfied with this, just as they are satisfied with the fact that the garbage has to stay in the trash can, or the lamp has to stay upright, or all of the other rules around touching things that we have in our lives.<o:p></o:p><br />
Warmly,<br />
Miss Faith<br />
<br />
<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-82791798597930048762011-07-01T15:32:00.001-06:002011-12-08T07:11:35.000-07:00Luring Kids into Helping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGSkzqeM_oh7xus3nrCXUBHTeJoHAaKOZb5eipICQxMTIeQSDxOtX1TJXzPWjL5PvaUbzWmiblC6H3lTOu_cWw1REhe1ictq3tFvGPPH22xCLoWfk0CpRBDr8c9cf0HSve3LcTWerDSJr/s1600/recent+pics+081.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuGSkzqeM_oh7xus3nrCXUBHTeJoHAaKOZb5eipICQxMTIeQSDxOtX1TJXzPWjL5PvaUbzWmiblC6H3lTOu_cWw1REhe1ictq3tFvGPPH22xCLoWfk0CpRBDr8c9cf0HSve3LcTWerDSJr/s320/recent+pics+081.JPG" width="128" /></a></div><i>This is a response that I wrote to a mom in my teleclass who was inspired to fold laundry with her four-year-old daughter, only to discover that her daughter wasn't interested. I believe that allowing children to help with housework can be wonderful for both of you, if it helps you and your child feel connected, if it allows them to develop competence, and enables them to feel like they're contributing. Most children love to help whenever they're allowed to, but if your child is accustomed to you doing it on your own, they may not jump right in when giving the opportunity. If that happens, then it's time to concentrate heavily on the connecting aspect, so they really enjoy doing it with you. Here was a suggestion I gave: </i><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">Dear Mom,</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">Don't be discouraged that your daughter didn't jump right in. If </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">she's used to not doing it with you, it may take awhile for her to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">warm up to it. And I bet that just having you doing it so calmly and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">lovingly is still nurturing to her, even if she doesn't participate. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">One thing you could do if you WANT her to help is to "lure" her in by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">making it into a real connecting activity. Since she loves puppet </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">shows, you might do this by telling a story while you fold laundry, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">something that she will really enjoy. At first she might just sit </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">near you while you fold and tell the story, and eventually she might </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">want to help as well. A slightly different take might be to make the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">act of folding really enjoyable, and incorporate it into a type of </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">puppet show of its own. It might go something like this:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">"Once upon a time, there was a little mouse." (take one of the baby's </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">socks and make it into a little mouse scurrying along the ground. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">"That mouse lived in a house where there was LOTS of laundry to be </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">done! He loved living in that house because there were always lots </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">and lots of places for him to hide." (Have your mouse scurry from </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">unfolded thing to unfolded thing.) "In this same house there also </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">lived a cat! He loved to chase the mouse, but he couldn't find him</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">when he hid under laundry that wasn't folded. (Make a cat with a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">slightly larger piece of laundry that you roll up into a log. Have </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">the cat chase the mouse around, but the mouse always manages to hide.)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">"One day, the cat had a great idea. What if he could fold the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">laundry, so that the mouse had nowhere to hide? He was very excited </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">by this idea, but how could he do it? Cats can't fold laundry! He </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">tried, and he tried, but he couldn't do it right." (Have the cat try </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">and fail.) "'I know,' said the cat. 'I need someone with hands who </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">will help me.' He looked around for someone who could help. First he </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">went to the baby to ask for help." (He goes over to the baby.) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">"'Will you help me fold the laundry so I can catch the mouse?' He </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">asks. But the baby is too little, and doesn't know how to fold </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">laundry. Then he went to the mother. 'Will you help me fold the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">laundry so I can catch the mouse?' 'Yes,' said the mother, and she </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">folded a washcloth." (fold a washcloth that the mouse is hiding </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">under, and have the mouse run away to another piece of laundry that's </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">not folded. The cat runs after him, but he doesn't get there in </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">time.) "Oh no! The cat chased the mouse, but he wasn't fast enough! </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">He looked around to see if there was anyone else who might help him by </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">folding a piece of laundry. There he saw a little girl." (...)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">You get the idea. You and your daughter can alternate folding the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">laundry while the cat and the mouse run back and forth, until all of </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">the laundry is folded. You will have to decide if the cat gets to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">catch the mouse at the end, or if the mouse escapes, to be chased </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">another day. As time goes on, your daughter might want to control the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">mouse as he runs, or the cat (although it might be too hard to resist </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">catching the mouse before the laundry is done). At any rate, you </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">don't have to use that story, but the idea is to make your task SO </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">fun, that it's what she wants to be doing, and it's all about the two</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">of you connecting and having a good time together. And, unlike a normal puppet show, the laundry </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;">gets folded at the end of this one!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Warmly,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;">Miss Faith</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #454545; font-family: inherit;"><b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-64730270454788406682011-06-15T10:34:00.002-06:002011-06-15T10:37:16.818-06:00New TeleClass Begins June 27th<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo7E4_u1S7PJPbflZ3d2Tgjouj9foBmNkztp5QayTOfdo5CH55WY9wZyx84bDAs2TOHjcTwiP1MvT2xNgHTIIQi3zHnsRxTQ16kO7oXswiCkZq-AXJlksI_exxgzNPAeSNst6yhV3bIrES/s1600/recent+pics+082.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjo7E4_u1S7PJPbflZ3d2Tgjouj9foBmNkztp5QayTOfdo5CH55WY9wZyx84bDAs2TOHjcTwiP1MvT2xNgHTIIQi3zHnsRxTQ16kO7oXswiCkZq-AXJlksI_exxgzNPAeSNst6yhV3bIrES/s320/recent+pics+082.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">I am excitedly preparing for the new session of my live TeleClass, <b>Joyful Days with Toddlers and Preschoolers!</b> I held the first two sessions of this class in March, and it exceeded my expectations in almost every way. The women who signed up for the course were a mixture of moms and home-daycare-providers (many were both!), and they told me over and over again how great it was to get a real and practical dose of inspiration and connection every week. One woman said that just the act of calling in each week calmed her and made her feel more spacious in her parenting! Here's what else people said:</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">"I can't tell you how much I appreciate this class. It truly has done wonders for our family and for me as a mom... My husband has noticed a big difference with me and with the boys...</span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span"> </span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">I got more than I </span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">imagined I would have gotten [from this class]."</span></i><br />
<span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span"> -C.L., mother of 2</span></span></i></span></div></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">So, what is the class like? Each class is a conference call that lasts an hour and fifteen minutes. A few days before each call, I will send out my thoughts on that week's theme, and a link to that week's video footage. Each week has about 10-12 minutes of video footage of me interacting with the children (ages 1-5) in different ways. When the class-time comes, we call in to the conference call, and we watch the video footage together, stopping frequently for discussion and questions. Between classes, people can chat through an online discussion groups, and are given optional 'assignments.' Here's what one student said: </span></span></i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"></span></i></span></i></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></i></span></i></span></span></i></span></i></span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><i><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">"...</span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">Love your teaching, the three layers of: watch the video, hear your </span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">comments on it and live question session, followed by written </span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">thoughts, and follow-ups to specific questions, it really creates a </span><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span">rich texture to the class...Every week has given me new ideas to try and made me more mindful of all the elements that go into this work."</span></i></span></i></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span"> -H.C., mother of 2 </span></span></i></span> </span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; line-height: 14px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-style: normal; line-height: 18px;"><span class="yiv306886334Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span></i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">I think that the video footage is part of what makes the class so unique and so useful. It's one thing to hear someone talk about what they do; it's another thing altogether to see them do it. And each week's video is so different! The first week is very inspirational: how to incorporate children in the tasks that make up Life, and why it feels so fulfilling to children when we do. People saw the footage and said, "I can do that!" The next week's video footage was totally different. The theme is Teach Children to Interact Graciously, and every single clip begins with someone shrieking. The week's themes are:</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqifh5rnHsPRg36uWHkFwSKqdh-5j7IhmeYiqzMXi8RKnHSHjLh6B1pcHEt0qpzkWg_FSlZZ-6Vh4aCcIo7ioCy6BrMeVEgtNaDCTHvkROduiIIS2Rhs2OoEWAju1GpL1d2c5zbSfDetNo/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqifh5rnHsPRg36uWHkFwSKqdh-5j7IhmeYiqzMXi8RKnHSHjLh6B1pcHEt0qpzkWg_FSlZZ-6Vh4aCcIo7ioCy6BrMeVEgtNaDCTHvkROduiIIS2Rhs2OoEWAju1GpL1d2c5zbSfDetNo/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+038.JPG" width="273" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Life As the Curriculum</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Teach Children to Interact Graciously</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Make Mealtimes Special</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Smooth and Easy Transitions</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Create Nurturing Spaces</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">-Be Your Best Self</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqifh5rnHsPRg36uWHkFwSKqdh-5j7IhmeYiqzMXi8RKnHSHjLh6B1pcHEt0qpzkWg_FSlZZ-6Vh4aCcIo7ioCy6BrMeVEgtNaDCTHvkROduiIIS2Rhs2OoEWAju1GpL1d2c5zbSfDetNo/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="clear: left; float: left; font-family: inherit; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">If you spend your days with children ages 1-5, and you wish the time you spent with children could be more joyful than it is now, I warmly invite you to take this TeleClass. Click on the tab above (marked June/July Teleclass) for dates, times, and prices. Email me to hold your spot or with any questions, faithrainbow@yahoo.com </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Warmly,</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Miss Faith</span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-62778620137862970382011-06-08T06:23:00.003-06:002011-12-08T07:12:34.538-07:00When I'm Low Energy<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY43hyphenhyphenwixE7z4bPGLFuY6FXUn8t86NEyKUBy7O37MbTYUG8gvcJaP5gKMcxDCVsSRlnrUwt1rELRm-b0dxgr2Mqx1aaSc733TUHobO9mbt8-ERIBYfW4wwx-L-RCP3zG368dGfLQ4mdTTU/s1600/IMG_1709.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY43hyphenhyphenwixE7z4bPGLFuY6FXUn8t86NEyKUBy7O37MbTYUG8gvcJaP5gKMcxDCVsSRlnrUwt1rELRm-b0dxgr2Mqx1aaSc733TUHobO9mbt8-ERIBYfW4wwx-L-RCP3zG368dGfLQ4mdTTU/s320/IMG_1709.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lavender Foot-Baths</td></tr>
</tbody></table>When I am in full health, and have gotten enough sleep, I LOVE my time with children. But when I don't get enough sleep, or I have a headache, or a cold, or medicine is making me groggy, the amount of energy it takes to care for children just seems beyond my capabilities. And yet there they are, as rambunctious as ever.<br />
<br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>Take Care of Miss Faith Day</b><br />
On days when I feel wiped out, I implement "Take Care of Miss Faith" days. I lower the lights. I pull the curtains. When the children come in, I tell them in a soft voice, "Today's gong to be a quiet day. Today will be a day when YOU take care of ME!" I lie down on the couch, or in the cozy corner that's loaded with lambskins and cushions. The children bring over blankets and silks and 'tuck me in.' They bring over the dollies and tuck them in with me. They bring over books, and we take turns where they read one to me, then I'll read one to them. We play the kinderharp. We brush hair and give lavender foot-baths. We drink warm chamomile tea. Take Care of Miss Faith days are days for snuggling, and they are sweet and soft. I talk more softly, more slowly than usual. Things I normally do myself, I ask the children to do for me, and they love to rise to the occasion.<br />
<br />
When I first started implementing these days, it was when I had a migraine, or a close relative was seriously ill. It seemed that the children could sense that I really needed some quiet space, and extra care. Even the littlest ones were more quiet than usual. But then I thought, Why not have these days a little more often? The children are clearly capable of doing it when it's needed, and they seem to benefit from it as much as I do. So I started having these "quiet days" more often. If it was a really rainy day, we'd turn it into a quiet day. If we had a cold snap and we hadn't been able to play outside in five days, we'd have a quiet day. If four parents said their kids were grumpy or sleep deprived at drop-off, we'd have a quiet day. I'd try to do them often enough that the children would remember them, but infrequently enough that they remained unusual and special. About once a month seemed good.<br />
<br />
The reality is that these days still take quite a lot of energy on my part. I can't just "check out" and let the kids run things themselves; that tends to result in chaos. Instead, I have to use my energy to create this cozy, intimate atmosphere. If a child forgets and becomes loud, I'll remind them that "today is a quiet day," and if they can't tone it down, I'll say, "if you need to be loud, I'd like you to do it in the other room. Today is a day where I need quiet around me." Because these days are so snuggly and so special, most children would rather tone it down than be left out of the special atmosphere. But even though they still take energy (I'm still running the show, I'm just running a different show from normal), I find it to be restful and rejuvenating, and the children do, too. Those who need extra cuddling get as many cuddles as they need, and those who wish they were a little bigger get the chance to stand tall and really help on a whole new level. And I get to spend significant chunks of time in a semi-horizontal position, drinking tea and having children love all over me.<br />
<br />
Warmly,<br />
Miss Faith<br />
<br />
<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-7715301926982989422011-06-02T04:26:00.004-06:002012-02-02T09:27:17.638-07:00Time to Play Outside!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQBimJMNIRgpg6SpZZ8ghtmivcwI0stLxxUzxQCYbioVS3e0_hXNnLkchAlAJ77l-H_Zjle4kMW2B2kprXXbunAKyITw4nIIRVYaDFV9mSv5QudtwuSRliJPBKDou4fkZ5JPP_N_SV4xWZ/s1600/throwing+sticks+off+the+bridge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQBimJMNIRgpg6SpZZ8ghtmivcwI0stLxxUzxQCYbioVS3e0_hXNnLkchAlAJ77l-H_Zjle4kMW2B2kprXXbunAKyITw4nIIRVYaDFV9mSv5QudtwuSRliJPBKDou4fkZ5JPP_N_SV4xWZ/s200/throwing+sticks+off+the+bridge.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;">JOYFUL TODDLERS HAS MOVED! GO TO OUR NEW LOCATION: </span><a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">joyfultoddlers.com</a> <br />
<br />
<br />
Spring has truly sprung, and in many places, summer is in full swing (unless you're in the southern hemisphere, of course!). Let me take a minute to inspire you, or re-inspire you, to spend lots and lots of time outside with your children! The outdoors is stimulating in all the right ways for young kids. There are interesting things on every level, and everywhere you look there is something new. Sunlight changes and wind changes and humidity changes, and they affect our whole bodies, but in a gentle way. Even on days with intense weather, dress appropriately and go outside! On a VERY windy day, you and your child can be birds, running and soaring through the gale. On rainy days, the worms come up and the robins go down. The dirt turns to mud and everything becomes slippery. Allow your child to experience all of these things, both with you, and (as much as possible) on his own. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZFbePCbIimiimWgYdzusZTxHNJNqXEYU3t8nCtQ6Yq2t-b8O476iBfDXitIw1DEl3DhlKuWVPuhyOG5ut1Qu2Ojimei0gFhwhBcHPYBLznZ0KECcNwNMiv1Qkm67eRe4jI_rMawoVRQ5U/s1600/working+in+the+garden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZFbePCbIimiimWgYdzusZTxHNJNqXEYU3t8nCtQ6Yq2t-b8O476iBfDXitIw1DEl3DhlKuWVPuhyOG5ut1Qu2Ojimei0gFhwhBcHPYBLznZ0KECcNwNMiv1Qkm67eRe4jI_rMawoVRQ5U/s320/working+in+the+garden.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> If your child is not used to spending lots of time outside, it may take him a little while to get used to it. But it's worth it, on every level! I find that the more time I spend outdoors with kids, the better and nicer our indoor time is. I find that the more time we spend outdoors, the more easily they go down for nap. I find that the more time we spend outdoors, the less picky the children are about their food. And I find that the more time we spend outdoors, the more magnanimous I feel.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBmGnR0FpA7QJhN-IjFt6RgulavoWXoCPCKhOCUlWGJZhSFfn5GW3xleoejHmyZ7rZfQz5zeKtIt0xvN8nYeVKNkTP4cooGZseKn2zAAaICa4jwyG9Ha2iPsDpcrGma0R4tbQ0WFKdzWXH/s1600/trellis+house.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBmGnR0FpA7QJhN-IjFt6RgulavoWXoCPCKhOCUlWGJZhSFfn5GW3xleoejHmyZ7rZfQz5zeKtIt0xvN8nYeVKNkTP4cooGZseKn2zAAaICa4jwyG9Ha2iPsDpcrGma0R4tbQ0WFKdzWXH/s320/trellis+house.jpg" width="320" /></a> So, how to spend more time outdoors? Well, build it into your day as a regular staple. Go outside as early as possible, and stay out there as long as possible. When the weather is nice, go outside twice a day! Eat snacks or meals outside. If there's a neighborhood park that you've always meant to spend more time at but only get to every few months, start going every day or every other day. <br />
Next, look at your own back yard, and figure out how you can make it a little more magical. Yards become magical by having lots of texture, different spaces with different terrain, and lots of hidey-places. Find a place where two fences meet, and curve a plastic trellis from Home Depot to make a little trellis house! This one I did at Boulder Waldorf Kindergarten, and trained a grape vine over it. The grapes would grow down through the holes. Fantastic!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-GzvDeesE1EwcqMMu_bwZrNgHR0oXUlCuUq5tfTCJquUhsdcV6_MjowApYAy2Qv554T38pNMkg-VCplGThIuKJiJqXvyF3s7B2nMxCIszNUuWCs2OGaWrSiFGNSk7QMK1e5wUlGXZrVjF/s1600/stumps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-GzvDeesE1EwcqMMu_bwZrNgHR0oXUlCuUq5tfTCJquUhsdcV6_MjowApYAy2Qv554T38pNMkg-VCplGThIuKJiJqXvyF3s7B2nMxCIszNUuWCs2OGaWrSiFGNSk7QMK1e5wUlGXZrVjF/s200/stumps.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXACQXk9y9pZ0HiY6r9wOVpEfmkFiSe_Np3L-v0LY8jKKbBUiHuGPFqBwI5m3gWbpy3zur2medUhwDINYGyb0CFQQsomIVi1ssYDUlmXB2U7PXo0pjOS9d4isgvfCyCLlO7aKR1fufCO1/s1600/bean+teepee+full+of+kids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiXACQXk9y9pZ0HiY6r9wOVpEfmkFiSe_Np3L-v0LY8jKKbBUiHuGPFqBwI5m3gWbpy3zur2medUhwDINYGyb0CFQQsomIVi1ssYDUlmXB2U7PXo0pjOS9d4isgvfCyCLlO7aKR1fufCO1/s320/bean+teepee+full+of+kids.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgLu-s5PplsCEOscRZKFsTABxPBdlgS__zMB0tM6vUqSZjJkZXSJ000IOgsATMbcx-NoC00uL3t0kPT5rVKK-PbuW-yobNXqGz4kaeS0UU4Go30OHg4YYjhKjkbRs16ThqpvLjNv-l8Bo/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLgLu-s5PplsCEOscRZKFsTABxPBdlgS__zMB0tM6vUqSZjJkZXSJ000IOgsATMbcx-NoC00uL3t0kPT5rVKK-PbuW-yobNXqGz4kaeS0UU4Go30OHg4YYjhKjkbRs16ThqpvLjNv-l8Bo/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+008.JPG" width="137" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBRLeVCxpGTFje5taH7m0c8ijtMiGbuYlzBDDfZygrJ53zqa-6IDpzshBM60zfN7eFlto7NTcRXP0Vg4bLBbnVxQGQQyJQauvAopyOsQu0FNK6lQos8pVXjO78gZART6m6P3c6Mq9OpgMO/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBRLeVCxpGTFje5taH7m0c8ijtMiGbuYlzBDDfZygrJ53zqa-6IDpzshBM60zfN7eFlto7NTcRXP0Vg4bLBbnVxQGQQyJQauvAopyOsQu0FNK6lQos8pVXjO78gZART6m6P3c6Mq9OpgMO/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+017.JPG" width="320" /></a> Plant a bean teepee that's large enough for children to play inside. Plant a blackberry patch. Have a bushy area? Cut the bottoms of the bushes up three or four feet, so that it turns into a living fort. Make pathways out of paving stones or wood chips. Put a row of stumps just about anywhere. Get a pile of bricks for kids to build stuff with, or a pile of river-rocks. A stump cut into 1-inch rounds make great stepping-stones, pathways, plates, boats for mice, and many other magical things. But most of all, just do it! The more time you spend outside, the better everyone feels. Any corner of your yard that's not currently being used can be infused with energy by putting up a tent, tying a tarp overhead, planting a raised garden bed, piling up rocks, or anything that generates interest. Be sure to bring snacks, and drink lots of water, and then put out a picnic blanket and lie back in the shade while your children explore.<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-52761093899045401302011-05-30T03:51:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:14:21.799-07:00Foster Patience<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioE1dI4hWZyP5kiiJEw9BtwVQfrbQAMaXLxyOZ1e9ybMhlbcmCyS5XYpfTAppyrLTuPe6QAyGG9vkSyZiL3caQceKE-81XxIGrMev5DZwTFa2OLTz7i_EVAl4S4098BFqjcROFU2wqHuzD/s1600/agaf+reading.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioE1dI4hWZyP5kiiJEw9BtwVQfrbQAMaXLxyOZ1e9ybMhlbcmCyS5XYpfTAppyrLTuPe6QAyGG9vkSyZiL3caQceKE-81XxIGrMev5DZwTFa2OLTz7i_EVAl4S4098BFqjcROFU2wqHuzD/s320/agaf+reading.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> Our enjoyment of the children in our lives increases dramatically when we teach them how to be patient. Picture two sets of mothers talking together. One has a child who wants his mom to push him on the swing. She tells him that she's busy talking, and he whines and pulls on her for five minutes until she finally gives in. With the other set of mothers, a little boy wants his mom to play on the teeter-totter with him. She says, “I'm talking to Mary right now; I'll come over in a few minutes.” He waits patiently until she is done, or goes off to play with something else, checking back periodically to see when she'll be ready. Who wouldn't want their child to be more like that second little boy! Many people seem to think that patient children just naturally “come” that way, but in reality, patience is a skill that we can help children learn.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So how do we foster patience in the children we care for? Patience is really about children being able to regulate themselves, and there are several things we can do to help them learn.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>Use Ritual</b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">When I first started working with groups toddlers, it seemed like mealtimes were especially hard. No matter how quickly I tried to get everyone seated and get the food out, it seemed like it was never fast enough. They just couldn't wait, and it seemed to end with a melt-down as often as not. Finally, I took a deep breath and realized that since I couldn't do it any faster, I needed to change my whole approach. And what I did was to slow down, and infuse the beginnings of meals with ritual. I used song and verse, and I did things in the exact same way each time. I washed children's hands in the same order. I stopped between tasks and played finger-games with the group. And suddenly, even though the mealtime transition now took at least three times as long as it had before, the children were able to sit quietly and patiently through the whole thing. It was amazing! Ritual helps children to self-regulate (which leads to learning patience) by letting them know exactly where they are in the process.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><b>Tell Them When</b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Another thing you can do to help children learn patience is to tell them exactly when they will be able to get what they want. Young children's concept of time is linear, so to tell them “exactly when” is to tell them what will happen between now and then. If a child wants you to help her undress a baby-doll while you're washing the dishes, you might say, “First I'll finish washing this pot, then I'll rinse it, and wipe my hands, and then I will help you with your doll.” If they want you to go upstairs with them but you're busy paying bills, you might say, “I'm going to finish writing this check, then I'll put it in the envelope, put a stamp and address on it, and put it by the door. Then I will come upstairs with you.” If, after a moment, she comes back and asks you again, you can say, “I'm done writing the check, and I've put it in the envelope. Now I'm putting the stamp and address on it, then I'll put it by the door, and then I'll come with you.” You can let her know exactly where you are in the process each time she asks, and this will help her learn patience. When you first start using this technique, keep it very short: “I'll finish writing the check and then I'll come up with you.” As they start to learn that you consistently come when you're done doing what you say you'll do, they can wait through more and more steps.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I also use this technique in conversation. If I'm talking to another person and a child tries to interrupt, I'll tell him, “I'm talking to Oma right now. When I finish with her I'll be ready to listen to you.” With a very young child, or a child who's new to my program, I'll just finish my sentence with Oma and then it will be the child's turn to speak. If they want me to help them with something, I will tell them, “I'll be able to help you when I'm done with my conversation. You'll know I'm done when I come into the play-room.” Again, I won't make a child wait too long. When I come, I'll acknowledge, “You waited so patiently, and now I'm here to help you!” It's really important to start small and work your way up, so that a child can rest in the knowledge that if you say you'll come help in a minute, you really will (they don't need to remind you again and again). If they're very impatient, and have to remind me again anyhow, I will acknowledge this, too: “You're having a hard time waiting, huh? What will you do while you wait? Why don't you play with the fire-truck until I come?” Or, “Would you like to sit on my lap while I'm finishing up here with Oma?” Then I'll wrap up my conversation with Oma, and say to the child, “Wow. You waited and waited, and now I'm finally ready.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">And finally, I use this technique when multiple children are attempting to talk to me at once. “First I'll listen to Ashley, then to to Sonya, and then Chloe.” I always try to make sure that I give each child the turn that I've told them they'll get, although they've often forgotten what they were trying to say by then. However, they're always happy to make up a new story when they've gotten my attention! When children feel confident that they'll get my attention when I say they will, they don't feel the need to talk over each other, and it's easier for them to learn to be patient.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Warmly,</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Miss Faith<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-41548171562333099732011-05-27T00:12:00.002-06:002011-12-08T07:15:16.041-07:00Toys<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirBjtDQidN8-_OidR4imscikI80gt5DUsO7v4SyROpLCAEgVjaGMC_G6H0YtdeMgqlbqDnFRhY_ZzyIUV_r4ap8mR0eT0CWazbCo1StTEel753v5nxihaNKjqzF6vLpiO4zE-_eSOUc0Rt/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+021.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirBjtDQidN8-_OidR4imscikI80gt5DUsO7v4SyROpLCAEgVjaGMC_G6H0YtdeMgqlbqDnFRhY_ZzyIUV_r4ap8mR0eT0CWazbCo1StTEel753v5nxihaNKjqzF6vLpiO4zE-_eSOUc0Rt/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+021.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">People have asked me about toys for toddlers, my ‘must have’ list. Mostly, I think that children do better with fewer toys than we would ever imagine. If you want a more comprehensive list, look in Kim John Payne’s book “Simplicity Parenting.” But here’s my list: <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-First, colored silks.</b> These are so versatile and can be used for so many different things: as a cape or skirt, as a baby blanket, as a sack for carrying things around…etc. etc. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Next, a basket of soft balls</b> <b>of various sizes</b>. These balls are what are appropriate to throw inside, so whenever a child forgets and throws something else, you can remind her: “What can we throw inside?” If she’s too little, you can answer for her: “Soft balls! Where IS a soft ball?” And she can run over to the ball basket. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Third, a play-kitchen</b>. The first step of imaginative play is largely imitative, and children will act out what they see around them in their play, as their way of processing experiences. Since many of us spend lots of time in the kitchen, a play kitchen is paramount! (warning: I don’t love those vegetables that come apart into pieces with Velcro in between. It seems cool in the ad that the kids can ‘cut’ them apart, but the reality is that they never go back together, at least with little one.) <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Books</b>. Many Waldorf programs don’t have books, but I know that many children use books as a way to self-soothe, and when kids are tired it can be really nice to snuggle on the couch together and look at a book. I don’t usually read the words; most of the time I talk about the pictures with them.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Dolls</b>. Not too many, though; each doll should be really special and cared for. I tend to think that three is a good number.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Things for kids to push.</b> These could be wooden trucks or metal Tonka trucks outside, or a baby carriage, or a duck that flaps its feet as it walks.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b>-Paper and crayons</b> to be brought out periodically.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Really, this is enough. As kids get older, dress-up clothes start to become popular, but again, less is better. When each toy is special and cared-for, and each thing has its own designated space, then toys are used more often, and more imaginatively. I am a big believer in rotating toys, as children will approach things with new eyes when they've had time to grow a bit in between. So whenever you notice your play-room or livingroom or a child's bedroom feeling cluttered, or cleaning up taking more energy than you wish, take several boxes out and fill one to give to Goodwill, and the other to put in the shed for a few months.<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-57278117283489227102011-05-18T23:23:00.003-06:002012-02-02T09:25:32.957-07:00"Stop," "Don't," and "No."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC9E-kmrHD4_MmGal1uDRXqEDc556vNgIG1ILE3GBqwdIhbGoG37DP2bD9HajRG7e8MFrlXXLOvfN7oDpgO5GqCUVdg7jT8J5cA5WF1g2RgU82mcjGyQC1WkY-8sIkpu2CKb4kDlQJEllF/s1600/Faith%2527s+Camera+002.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="276" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC9E-kmrHD4_MmGal1uDRXqEDc556vNgIG1ILE3GBqwdIhbGoG37DP2bD9HajRG7e8MFrlXXLOvfN7oDpgO5GqCUVdg7jT8J5cA5WF1g2RgU82mcjGyQC1WkY-8sIkpu2CKb4kDlQJEllF/s320/Faith%2527s+Camera+002.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: left;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">JOYFUL TODDLERS HAS MOVED! GO TO OUR NEW LOCATION: </span><a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;">joyfultoddlers.com</a> <br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">How and Why to Stop Saying “Stop,” “Don’t,” and “No.”<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Stop saying “Stop.”<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Why I avoid saying ‘stop’:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Young children can’t stop. They don’t understand it yet; the only time they stop is when they’re sleeping. So I try to avoid saying “stop,” as that only tends to lead to frustration, both on my part and the children’s.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> So what to do when children are doing something that you don’t like? Well, even though children can’t stop, they CAN do <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something else</i>. So instead of saying, “stop banging your spoon on the table,” I say, “You can use your spoon to take a bite.” Instead of saying, “Stop throwing sand,” I say, “You can put that sand into a bucket.” Instead of saying, “Stop grabbing,” I say, “You can find a toy that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nobody</i> is using.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> When a child is interacting with another child in a way that they don’t like, I try not to say “stop.” Instead, I give them the words to talk to one another:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sam comes up and tries to grab Harry’s toy.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Harry:</b> Wah! (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Looking at me</i>)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> Harry, you can say, “I’m playing with this right now.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Harry:</b> I’m playing with this right now.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sam:</b> Wah!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> Oh, you wish you were playing with that?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sam:</b> (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nod</i>)<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> Why don’t you say, “Can I use that when you’re done?”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sam:</b> Can I use that when you’re done?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Harry:</b> Mine!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> Harry, you can say, “You can use this when I’m all done.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">When kids say “stop” to each other, I help them by translating very clearly what “stop” means. At Rainbow Bridge, “Stop means take your hands away.” I keep my ears out and whenever I hear a child saying “stop,” I turn around and watch, and remind them if needed, “Stop means take your hands away.” If they don’t, I’ll continue, “It looks like you need some help taking your hands away this time.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Don’t say “Don’t.”<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Why I avoid using the word don’t:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">We all think with imagery, and children even more than adults. If I say, “Don’t run in the street,” what’s the image that comes into your head? Now, how about if I say, “Please walk straight along the sidewalk.” The word “don’t” is a modifier that is very weak compared to the strong image created by the rest of the phrase. This is why, if you say “Don’t jump in the puddle,” the average two-year-old will go directly to the puddle and jump in it, and be slightly puzzled as to why you’re annoyed.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">What I do instead<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">The solution is exactly the same as with “stop.” Instead of saying what you don’t want, say what you DO want the child to do. If a little boy is riding his bike towards his friends and knocks into them over and over again, I will say, “You can go around your friends.” If a child is leaning on a gate that is rickety, I’ll tell them, “Please stand up straight and tall.”<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> Because we think so strongly in images, I also use images to set the scene for children, telling them how I want them to act in an upcoming situation: “When I open the gate, everyone will walk calmly through, and wait on the other side until I latch it again. Then we’ll walk together on the sidewalk, stopping at each tree for me to catch up.” I don’t necessarily expect them to remember and obey, I’m just planting the seeds and setting the scene. Then I’ll remind them right before each step, what’s about to happen.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Why Not to say “No.”<o:p></o:p></b></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">Why I avoid saying ‘no.’<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I try to avoid saying no because children hear it all the time, and it loses its effectiveness if used too much.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-indent: .5in;">What I do instead<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">If a child needs a swift word to stop them from doing something, I will often clap twice, very loudly. This startles them and pauses them long enough for me to let them know what I DO want them to be doing.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> If a child asks if they can do something or have something, I try to say Yes, with as many caveats as I need. If I’m up to the elbows in sudsy dishwater and a child asks me to tie a cape around their neck, I’ll say, “Yes. I’ll help you as soon as I’m done with the dishes.” If the child complains that they want it right now, we might brainstorm together: they could ask a friend for help, or try to do it themselves, or play with something else until I’m done.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> If the child asks for something and the answer will always be no, I will either tell them what they CAN have, “You can have a red ball today,” and just be compassionate if that’s a disappointment; or I will say “yes” in my imagination: “If I had another green ball, I would give it to you for sure!” I often take this imagination and run with it, making it bigger and bigger, and then transforming it into another conversation: “In fact, if I had two green balls, I’d have one for you and one for me. And we could throw them back and forth. If we had three green balls, who would you give the third one to? What if we had a whole room full of balls? We could take them to the park and give one to every child we met! That would sure be fun. Remember last time we went to the park?” And on from there.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">-Tell them when they CAN have/do what they want<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Conclusion<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> The reason that I try to avoid saying stop, don’t, and no, isn’t because it will ruin a child’s self-esteem. I do it because it’s significantly more effective than the alternatives. And I do it because I enjoy my time with toddlers more when I’m not saying no all the time!<br />
<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-62145588522896196322011-05-10T10:37:00.003-06:002011-12-08T07:17:10.274-07:00'Shy' Toddlers<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dear Faith,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> I would love your thoughts in shyness in my almost two year old. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I've noticed in recent months that if someone she doesn't know talks to </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">her or wants to engage with her (question, etc) she becomes very withdrawn. I have had several experiences recently when she enters an unfamiliar space with people around that she will burst into strong tears for several minutes and buries her head in my chest, begging to go. This leads them to declare her shy, or even, wow, she's extremely shy! I have read that it's much better to avoid labeling her this way, as it may contribute to a feeling of defectiveness. My husband and I don't call her shy for this reason but invariably others will. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> In known situations, she is exceedingly secure and spirited. I'm with her full time but she often plays with other kids and we attend music classes, etc, and those interactions are positive since they are familiar.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> I know we each have our own temperament; I simply want to support her the best I can in these situations and in her social development. I would also love to hear your advice on how best to respond when others declare her shyness.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Many thanks!</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span></i><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Dear Mama,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> It's extremely common for children at this age to go through a "very shy" phase around strangers. I think that as infants, many children feel like they are part of their mother's being, and as long as they're in her energy field, they feel fine no matter where they are. But this stage, approaching two, is the very beginning of your child realizing that she is her own, separate person. At the beginning, this can be quite a scary realization! So many strangers! So many people who are not you! Often between 19-22 months, children will get very clingy, suddenly have separation anxiety, and/or be scared of strangers. This is totally normal and doesn't mean that they are "shy;" it's a spiritual awakening. Then, sometime between two and two-and-a-half, your child will start to realize the power of being separate and of having her own opinion, and that's when the "No's" start to come in force.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Mostly, I'd suggest limiting your child's exposure to strangers as much as is practical during this fragile time, all the while knowing that this too shall pass. When you are out and about, or friends come over to visit, if other adults remark how shy she is, just say in a light voice, "Oh, she's just getting used to meeting new people again." If adults are trying to interact with her and she's not going for it, you can ask her if she'd like you to speak for her this time. Usually kids are quite happy to have their loving adult answer for them; you are the shield between her and the big, wide world.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Warmly,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Miss Faith</span><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-30288469124205387422011-04-25T00:53:00.005-06:002012-02-02T09:31:10.234-07:00Meltdowns and Tantrums<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii7xE8DqnYvodBs-6bSmeNqs3YGoIb6_lnKghxGuw5Ma4zEnuYnNUz46UPoif5c3bLEJFVrczt5oodJJIzhQAIKo5oo9n_F8JMTbAuQuvARO8tQc6tb7duUUUuuGd5FaT-c_I8xUupu1mQ/s1600/recent+pics+090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii7xE8DqnYvodBs-6bSmeNqs3YGoIb6_lnKghxGuw5Ma4zEnuYnNUz46UPoif5c3bLEJFVrczt5oodJJIzhQAIKo5oo9n_F8JMTbAuQuvARO8tQc6tb7duUUUuuGd5FaT-c_I8xUupu1mQ/s320/recent+pics+090.JPG" width="246" /></a></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px;">JOYFUL TODDLERS HAS MOVED! GO TO OUR NEW LOCATION: </span><a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">joyfultoddlers.com</a> <br />
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<br />
This is the second part of my response to the mom who wrote this letter:<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Hi Miss Faith,</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I love love your blog and reading it often as I have a newly 3 year old and a 9 month old at home. I have a questing regarding whiny and near constant meltdowns with my 3 year old. We found the 2’s to be very easy, not terrible at all but have found the 3’s to be very challenging so far. She is extremely whiny and almost everything results in meltdowns and tears. I for the first time, am finding myself NOT enjoying my time with her and that makes me sad. Just this morning she didn’t want to get dressed, I gave her a 5 min and a 1 min warning and then when it was time she yelled “no” and cried. Then she said she wanted raisins, I brought them to her and they were the wrong kind, more tears. You get the idea.</span></i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;"> I would love any suggestions on how to deal with this and work her through it. Thanks in advance for your thoughts how on how you deal with this type of behavior. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Hi again-</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> Today I'll write some about dealing with meltdowns and tantrums. I'll talk first about meltdowns from over-stimulation, then I'll get on to what you're talking about in your letter. I've seen a lot of popular literature that suggests walking away, time-outs, taking away toys or privileges, etc. But I don't agree with most of them. I think that meltdowns and tantrums are generally a cry for more support, and so withdrawing your love/attention/support is the last thing that your a child needs. However, "support" can take many different forms, and giving in to children over and over again, or "doing anything" to placate them, is NOT giving support to a child. Supporting them means helping them learn how to regulate themselves and their emotions. So how can you provide the support that a child needs in order to minimize meltdowns and tantrums?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><b>Over-Stimulation Meltdowns</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> Often, meltdowns and tantrums are a child showing you that he or she is overstimulated, tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. The obvious answer, of course, is to try and keep your child well-rested and well-fed, and don't go to the grocery store right before naptime. However, despite our best efforts, these things happen. If you are out shopping, for example, and you can see a meltdown starting to brew, our instinct is to rush as much as possible, to try and get out before the storm breaks. However, children have a very low tolerance for rushing, especially when they're tired or hungry. Instead, try this: "You look like you're really ready to go. I can see that! You wish we were going home right now. Let's find a quiet place to snuggle for a few minutes." Find a corner or a bench or somewhere where you can take your child onto your lap and just pour some love and support into him. This undivided attention helps your child reconnect with you, and gives him the space he needs to regulate himself. You might tell him how much you love him, or tell him a story about when you were a little girl and used to go shopping with your mom; anything to let him know that all of your attention is on him, and you are there, creating a safe space for him, within your arms. After a few minutes, when you feel him start to relax against you, you can say, "That was a really nice snuggle. In just a minute I'll put you back into the cart, we'll get our last few things, then we'll stand in line, we'll pay for our food, and we'll go out to the car and drive home. Are you ready for that?" By being very specific about how things are going to go, you can help him prepare himself for the rest of the trip. Usually then a child will be ready to face the world again; if he's not, give him a few more minutes of love, with the feeling that there's all the time in the world. When it's actually time to move on, use a nursery rhyme or song for your transition, instead of talking or convincing. I love the rhyme/song "One, two, buckle my shoe," because it's very rhythmic and quite long.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><b>Regular Whininess/Meltdowns</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> On the other hand, sometimes when a child is going through the process of individuation (like the child of the mother in the letter above), a child can't agree with you on anything. Nothing is right, everything becomes a struggle. In this case, again you want to form a strong, supportive boundary around her, to help her learn to regulate herself.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> First, it's good to know that while children are going through growth-spurts they often need more sleep than they needed in the past, so try putting her to bed half an hour earlier. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> Next, you want to empathize with her while at the same time teach her how to express her dissatisfaction in a way that is acceptable (this is an important part of self-regulating). Teaching her how to express herself in a way that's acceptable generally involves saying what you wish she were saying, <i>in the tone</i> that you <i>wish </i>she were saying it in. If you remind her that it's time to get dressed and she screams "No!" You might say, "Mom, I'm not ready to get dressed yet." Most of the time, a child will repeat your words, in exactly the tone you use. It's amazing how a child can go from an angry tone to a pleasant one in an instant, through imitation. And it's amazing how well it works. If she doesn't, you can repeat, "You can say, 'Mom, I'm not ready to get dressed yet.'" Don't force her to say it, just let her know what's expected. Most of the time it works, like magic. Then you can respond. "Oh really? It looks like you're having a fun time playing, huh. What are you playing?" Then matter-of-factly start getting out her clothes and help her dress while she's telling you. Children are often fine doing something that they've been saying "no" to, if you just stop talking about it. Remember, children often need your physical/emotional support to do tasks that they are capable of doing alone on their best days, probably until they are five or even later.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> When your child asks for something and then it's not what she wanted/expected, there are a couple of things that can help. For example, with the raisins: you offer them, and she cries, "No, no! Not those raisins!" You say, in a pleasant voice, "Mommy, not those raisins, please." She may or may not repeat. You say, "Oh, you want different raisins? Tell me!" She says, "Other raisins." You know that there are no other raisins, but you don't say that. Instead, you say, "I don't know if there are any others. Let's go down and look in the cupboard together." Often, getting a child into motion is enough to diffuse a situation and move out of "No" land. Motion works better than words. But if nothing will soothe her and she begins to cry, don't try explaining. Don't tell her that there are no other raisins, don't tell her that all the raisins are the same, don't try to bribe her with something else. Simply be compassionate. "You wished you could have the raisins you want, but there are none. That's a big disappointment." Give her a hug, and after a moment, move on.<br />
<br />
<b>But It's Hard!</b><br />
Yes, it is absolutely hard work to keep your pleasant demeanor when your child is being whiny, or disrespectful, or demanding, over and over again. It is hard to model the pleasant tone/behavior that you want her to imitate, especially if she's pushing your buttons. So what to do?<br />
One thing I do when a child feels challenging is this: a child exhibits a challenging behavior (such as demanding raisins and then crying because they're not what she wanted). I take a deep breath and imagine stepping backwards into what I refer to as my "Goddess Space." I know/imagine that my back-space is filled with the Goddess spirit, and when I step backwards into it, I reconnect with that energy. When I'm there, I can dis-connect from the things that push my buttons. I don't have to take things personally. From the Goddess Space I can see what this child needs in order to grow, and what kind of support she needs in order to learn to regulate herself. And often, then, I can do it from a place of compassion. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><b>Full-Blown Tantrums</b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"> Sometimes, no matter what you do, you can't head off a tantrum. In that case, it's time to step into your Goddess Space again. Again, you want to provide compassionate support for your child. I usually do this in two ways: first, I do it by imagining that I'm setting an energy-field around the child. It is like a soft, firm wall that keeps her safe. Second, I think to her, "I see that you are out of control, but I am here, and I will keep you safe and help you learn how to stay in control of yourself." I don't say this out loud, buy I think it. Then I will sit quietly nearby, thinking these thoughts and waiting for her to calm down enough to be comforted. If the tantrum goes on for more than a few minutes, I can tell that my presence is not calming, so I will go into another room or another part of the room, and begin doing other things. "I'm going to wash the dishes," I'll tell her, "But when you're ready for hugs and kisses, I'll be ready too." Then I'll go and wash the dishes, but I'm still surrounding her with my protective energy. Usually this is enough to help a child begin to calm down. When a child sees that you are calm and supportive even when she is out of control, it helps her feel secure.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Good luck! And don't worry if you can't find that Goddess Space every time. Each new meltdown is a new opportunity to practice it. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Warmly,</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 18px;">Miss Faith<br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7234053384715284079.post-17421542391077333832011-04-15T16:43:00.003-06:002011-12-08T07:19:06.382-07:00Whiny Meltdowns<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Hi Miss Faith,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"> I love love your blog and reading it often as I have a newly 3 year old and a 9 month old at home. I have a questing regarding whiny and near constant meltdowns with my 3 year old. We found the 2’s to be very easy, not terrible at all but have found the 3’s to be very challenging so far. She is extremely whiny and almost everything results in meltdowns and tears. I for the first time, am finding myself NOT enjoying my time with her and that makes me sad. Just this morning she didn’t want to get dressed, I gave her a 5 min and a 1 min warning and then when it was time she yelled “no” and cried. Then she said she wanted raisins, I brought them to her and they were the wrong kind, more tears. You get the idea. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-size: small;"> I would love any suggestions on how to deal with this and work her through it. Thanks in advance for your thoughts how on how you deal with this type of behavior. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Dear Mom,</span></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> I'm currently out of town at a conference<span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1302907009_3" style="background-attachment: scroll; background-color: transparent; background-image: none; background-position: 0% 0%; cursor: pointer;"></span> but will write a full response soon. My experience is that some kids have a hard time at 2, and others have a hard time at 3. It's usually one or the other, but it comes as a rough surprise to the parents of three-year-olds who thought they had gotten through the twos scott-free<span class="yshortcuts" id="lw_1302907009_4"></span>! So just know that it's part of her process of coming into herself: discovering that she's separate from you, that she has her own opinions, that she suddenly has big feelings but has very little impulse control. I have some ideas of things you can do to help things go more smoothly, but just know that this is probably just as uncomfortable for her as it is for you. Let her know by your attitude and your actions that you have compassion for her in this difficult time, and that you will help her learn to regulate herself so that the two of you can be in loving relationship again, enjoying your time together.</span></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> I'll write more later, but I just wanted to give you a first piece to work with. Not an easy piece, but a necessary one! Hang in there, mama! Your sweet girl will return; she just has some important things to learn first.</span></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></div></div><div style="font-family: inherit;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;">Warmly,</span></div></div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;">Miss Faith</span><br />
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<b>Joyful Toddlers has moved! Check out our new location: <a href="http://joyfultoddlers.com/">http://joyfultoddlers.com/</a></b></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0